tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post2796098141080033161..comments2023-09-26T09:48:49.979-04:00Comments on ...but then I had kids: It takes a village to screw up a child...Liz Aguerrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09465793815137696650noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-49843827874033847792010-03-21T10:34:10.348-04:002010-03-21T10:34:10.348-04:00Are you sure you are not talking about our Nana &a...Are you sure you are not talking about our Nana & Poppa? I am so with you on this. Man O Mine often says "Who are these people and what did they do with our parents?" Nana had a hard lesson last summer...she was going out on an errand, and then would return to pick up kids and take them out to a movie. One kid cried to go with her, so she gave in. Funny thing, after the movie, same kid cried because she refused to buy him an expensive toy. She had to "talk with me about an issue we had" when she returned. I pointed out the earlier incident only reinforced such behavior.<br />They are a blessing though...I could not ask for better grandparents for my children. I just wish they would hold my children accountable for their behavior!Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03060431045959212996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-58172205424899744112010-03-20T01:32:58.981-04:002010-03-20T01:32:58.981-04:00Liz, you always manage to strike a chord with me i...Liz, you always manage to strike a chord with me in your posts.<br />I have given you a Kreative Blogger Award.<br />Thank you so much for keeping me entertained and also for letting me know that as a parent, I am not alone!!<br />Enjoy, DanaMadeline's Memoryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14972524609715536562noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-67774531846494874882010-03-19T07:48:05.901-04:002010-03-19T07:48:05.901-04:00I think that spoiling the grandchildren is perfect...I think that spoiling the grandchildren is perfectly alright. I could say that it is needed, actually. But there are lines to be drawn. Children should not be allowed to be disrespectful - to adults, other kids or themselves. Children need limits, no matter whose care they are under.<br /><br />So Yeah, I think it's okay for you to be frustrated here. And maybe, just maybe, your frustration will lead to changes, in the end.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05188568358103640489noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-64275663933472344412010-03-19T06:18:53.435-04:002010-03-19T06:18:53.435-04:00I'm so with you on this.
Most of the time I a...I'm so with you on this.<br /><br />Most of the time I appreciate when family comes over and relieves me of my children, really I do. Because a lot of our time together is spent teaching good manners and appropriate behavior and it wears me down to a nub. So, like you, I "get" that it's much more fun to just come in my house and play and let the kids do their thing. However, when I get "the eye" for the girls' "wild" behavior or back-talk that only appears when said visitors enter the house and abandon all of my rules and structure, it kind of negates any kind of relief felt at the start of the visit. <br /><br />The only thing worse than re-teaching the kids, is when you wind up re-teaching the adults. And the ones I know are terrible students...ckhttp://badmommymoments.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-54999455579490422512010-03-18T19:15:41.204-04:002010-03-18T19:15:41.204-04:00We have this with my mil - she cannot or will not ...We have this with my mil - she cannot or will not respect the boundaries and choices we have made for raising our girls, and sometimes I resent the need to have to reprogramme my child after she has undermined ours rules and mores. And yet she believes her actions are founded in love....Muddling Alonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04702217530704657676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-49191047505844763102010-03-18T14:18:30.169-04:002010-03-18T14:18:30.169-04:00stopping by from SITS - my question for the compla...stopping by from SITS - my question for the complaining grandparent would be "is it like vegas, where what happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's ... or do you want to change this behavior?" If they say the first - then they lose the privilege to complain if it's the second, you help them to gain a backbone by clearly stating the rules for both parties upfront and sticking up for gran when she deals with it...heather@actingbalanced.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08194563117096178008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-70723444605782528502010-03-18T11:17:40.157-04:002010-03-18T11:17:40.157-04:00My mom always tells me that it is her job to spoil...My mom always tells me that it is her job to spoil my kids. But, sometimes, it's actually a safety issue, too. If she doesn't make them listen to her, I have no desire to let her take them out somewhere by herself b/c they could run away from her, thinking that they don't have to listen. <br /><br />And when they get back from being with her, they are brats that I have to remind that we DO have rules.Shellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06811697675090627618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-70822274389700358252010-03-18T09:47:38.010-04:002010-03-18T09:47:38.010-04:00It's hard when grandparents have them all day ...It's hard when grandparents have them all day M-F. They want to be the fun ones who love on them, give them all the cool stuff, and just plain have fun.<br /><br />I think they complain when they are tired or it's been a particularly bad day. They don't want to have to discipline and they don't like having to be in the situation. <br /><br />I live it every day too - and it's hard. I've learned to keep my mouth shut unless I witness his outbursts and then I make him apologize for his actions - and he does. I explain that it is not acceptable to be mean to G&G because they love him and if he likes all the fun stuff they do, he'd better treat them nicely.<br />It works, for a while.<br /><br />I try to make sure I'm prompt in fetching him every day and space out the overnights and extended stays as long as possible. It really helps.<br /><br />Sometimes you have to vent - it will all come together - I promise.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-20262468566839247352010-03-18T09:00:02.771-04:002010-03-18T09:00:02.771-04:00I don't have this issue because the only grand...I don't have this issue because the only grandmother my son has is just a big of a hardass as me ; ) but every single one of my friends tells me almost verbatim what's in your post. I have no advice to offer, just feelings of sorriness....I'm so sorry that you have to "undo" what the grandparents "did" each time they see them. That must suck it hard.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-69577794762847479042010-03-18T07:22:44.871-04:002010-03-18T07:22:44.871-04:00I feel your pain.
My boys are 6 and 5, and like yo...I feel your pain.<br />My boys are 6 and 5, and like you I feel like I'm being ungrateful speaking out loud about this problem, but sometimes it just needs to be said.<br />I've been told: "We're grandparents,it's our job to spoil your children."<br />While the spoiling is a little to be desired as well, there are no excuses for tantrums, talking back, or rudeness.<br />And yet we are incredibly blessed. Where would we be without these crazy people to help us with our lives?<br />If you figure out an answer, I could use an email. Take Care.Mary K Brennanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16551895463680549205noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-36323778426279108922010-03-18T07:12:40.050-04:002010-03-18T07:12:40.050-04:00Vent away! I was caught, though, by these sentenc...Vent away! I was caught, though, by these sentences: "I don't want the grandparents to be parents. I know that's our job. I want them to enjoy being grandparents."<br /><br />When grandparents let the kids do whatever, they are being grandparents. While I do not want to be in this category any time soon (my oldest is 25 and his friends are getting married left and right), not being the disciplinarian is something I do look forward to.Nickihttp://www.nickisnook.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-85341575186387886302010-03-18T06:07:18.465-04:002010-03-18T06:07:18.465-04:00Yes! I agree! Isn't it madness! The crazy t...Yes! I agree! Isn't it madness! The crazy thing is...they weren't like this with us! When did they abandon all reason? Great post!Andriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09760597012564456255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-84613406105210439442010-03-18T05:59:50.043-04:002010-03-18T05:59:50.043-04:00I'm glad you've had a chance to vent here....I'm glad you've had a chance to vent here. It is tough finding the balance and redrawing those boundaries, especially when you feel so grateful for the help.<br /><br />What's amazing is how much changes over a decade. Right from when my niece was born I remember watching my mum transform from the Momzilla she was with me and my sister, to the Big Ol Granny Pussycat she became with her grandkids.<br /><br />I do think it's worth letting go of the small stuff (as you already do) but having a serious but non-accusatory chat about the major no-nos - for everybody's peace of mind!Babes about Townhttp://babesabouttown.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-48870259310927903252010-03-18T05:36:20.172-04:002010-03-18T05:36:20.172-04:00No doubt, it's tough being a disciplinarian......No doubt, it's tough being a disciplinarian...perhaps more so when you're a grandparent. (stopping from SITS)Lynn Kellanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11347865234211013908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-61287594554909178392010-03-17T23:14:49.317-04:002010-03-17T23:14:49.317-04:00My mom is really bad for this. Case in point: a fe...My mom is really bad for this. Case in point: a few years ago, my son PEED in the HALLWAY because he didn't want to walk all the way to the bathroom. He was dealing with his punishment and my mother said to him, "Don't worry, baby, sometimes Grandma pees in the wrong place, too." Like a) it was an accident and not sheer laziness and b) like it's okay to baby a kid who PEED IN THE HALLWAY.<br /><br />Ehem. I deal with this from my mother every single day. My dad and inlaws defer to us and respect our decisions, but my mother thinks expecting children to behave appropriately and respectfully is akin to training them to be soldiers. And she says that, loudly, whenever she gets the chance.<br /><br />So, yeah. You are not alone.Kelly Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12738542739547858853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-29905030741673379682010-03-17T22:37:56.338-04:002010-03-17T22:37:56.338-04:00I am SOOOOOOO nodding my head at this post. My &qu...I am SOOOOOOO nodding my head at this post. My "outlaws" allow my kids to be complete, unmannered, soul-sucking brats when under their watch.<br /><br />It drives me nuts. I mean, yes, I appreciate their participation in my kids' lives, but really? Must you allow them to behave like marrow-eating savages? ARGH!<br /><br />And, like you, I wonder why I care so much, but dang! Bratty kids suck! I don't want mine to join the ranks.TKWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16409505008377005185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8201961112490811175.post-59389149968458359282010-03-17T22:30:04.067-04:002010-03-17T22:30:04.067-04:00I hear you and I understand.
My favorite comeba...I hear you and I understand. <br /><br />My favorite comeback line used to be (operative words: used to): "Won't that acceptance and encouragement be better served for acceptable behavior. I mean, really, do you want to be associated with the savages they will become? Will you want to keep them for a weekend when they act like this?"<br /><br />I would get strange looks, and then, when the inappropriate behavior started to sprout consistently at their house, and they reprimanded, I supported them. I demanded apologies for their grandparents. When said grandparents saw that respect is a necessary part required of all members of society, and saw that they were being supported, they were a little more on-board.<br /><br />And you know what, this fall under "child is testing limits.: I know, I know, not what you want to hear, but truly, that is what it is. He is NORMAL...this is what they do and they need to. Acting out is the equivalent to an adult jumping out of a plane; risk taking. Stupid, sure. Necessary, absolutely.<br /><br />As for feeling as though you betrayed them, not so much. You are venting, and venting is good.Mariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01869747946511793954noreply@blogger.com