1. A chef (doesn't even have to be a really good one; just one that will take care of "What are we eating tonight?")
2. An assistant to take care of all of the To-Do's that drive me absolutely insane in my day-to-day life
3. A pair of peep toe Christian Louboutins
4. To lose 5 pounds magically overnight
5. A magic cream that will erase the suddenly-drooping eyelids and neck (WTF happened after I turned 38?!?)
6. A pair of perfectly fitting and comfortable blue jeans
7. A perfect, 90 degrees and sunny, blue skies, clear water beach day
8. A longer summer
9. My boys to bicker less
10. To find the perfect shade of fluorescent (but not too fluorescent) pink nail polish
11. Someone else to scrub the bathrooms (I would add "mop the floors" too but Hubby did that today after little one puked all over)
12. At least a week with no fevers, no "my tummy hurts", no "my head hurts," and no puke
13. Sleep...blissful, dead-to-the-world, no-alarm, no-calling-for-Mommy-or-Daddy-in-the-middle-of-the-night, wake-up-when-I-feel-like-it sleep
14. A personal trainer
15. My knees to behave so I can run again
16. A new computer (and someone to completely set it up, move all my files, and reset my iTunes library)
17. More time (and energy) to write
18. A 3rd annual Mother's Day on the beach with decent weather, children who don't bicker or whine or cry or complain of salt water in their eyes, and no dysfunctional or awkward family interactions
19. My boys to make me feel really, really, really special
20. A tiny and charming condo, apartment, or shack on the beach...any beach, but preferably Hawaii
21. My hair to grow back to its original mane of long beachy blond waves (if that's too much to ask, then can this short little mop just behave?)
22. A bikini wax that doesn't hurt
23. A stand up paddle board
24. The return of the neighborhood video rental store
25. More patience (especially with the kids)
26. A case of straight-from-France wine
27. My husband's perspective on life
1. You go a lot faster and a lot longer on the stairmaster if you're reading it.
2. You have a whole new perspective--and appreciation--for elevators.
3. And silver ties.
4. Suddenly, women everywhere are considering "dirty" sex as a not-so-dirty-thing.
5. Every woman wants to spend some time with a hot guy who is completely enraptured by her, gets aroused just looking at her, and wants to give her the world.
6. It gives you great stuff to talk about with your girls (and, if you're lucky, your husband).
7. It might propel you to try something you've never done before.
8. Floggers and handcuffs and crops...oh my!
9. Toys no longer seem like a bad idea, a threat, or icky to women everywhere.
10. Women who would never have set foot in a sex shop are suddenly flocking to them for girls' night out (or at least secretly ordering online).
11. You get a crash course in classical music.
12. Book Two.
13. It makes women think about sex, and when women think about sex, their partners get more of it, and when their partners get more of it, the relationship gets better.
14. It brings you in touch with your inner goddess.
15. It will make you rethink using that extra room as a playroom for the kids.
16. After a whole day thinking about deadlines and/or lunchboxes and/or laundry and/or bills and/or groceries and/or sippy cups and/or running the world, it's nice to just stop and think about sex (and romance, of course).
17. It reminds women that it's totally okay to be sexual.
18. It serves as evidence that "kinky f*ckery" AND romantic, loving sex do not have to be mutually exclusive (and sometimes can even occur on the same day..maybe even in the same room!).
19. Women around the world are strengthening their pelvic floor muscles (courtesy of The Silver Balls).
20. It's making women speak honestly and openly (read: no shame) about sex.
21. You realize that the work day goes by much quicker when you are engaging in witty sexual banter via email (or at least text).
22. Because even though Anastasia Steele's lack of self esteem drove us crazy (a lot), we could all relate to it (at least a little), and we loved that when she needed to, she'd kick a guy in the crotch or jump on a jet ski.
23. It's a total escape from life.
24. So you can be in the know when everyone around you is saying stuff like "Laters, baby," and "We aim to please," and "My breath hitched."