My children are not my life. I have a life. Perhaps that is the problem.
The boys are a huge part of my life, but I have a whole lotta other things always going on. My mom, in fact, always says that I'm "always inventing something." I think she thinks that I not only have too much on my plate, I am constantly heaping additional spoonfuls onto it. I don't know if this is necessarily true, but I do know that I am Tired. Exhausted. Spent. All the time. Sometimes it's more a mental exhaustion than a physical one, and to be quite honest, that is even worse. I know a lot of moms who have told me that when they had their kids they took a sort of hiatus from their personal lives. They stopped going to the gym, going on trips with just their husbands, reading, scrapbooking, shopping, whatever...their hobbies and passions were put on a temporary hold until their kids got older. I can't do that. At least I try not to. I still work out, I still subscribe to a ton of fashion and athletic magazines (and yes, I read them...along with all the novels I read too!), I still watch my favorite shows, I still spend quality time (alone!) with Hubby, I still go out with my girlfriends. And now I blog (and TRY to get used to and accept the phenomenon of Facebook). And of course in addition to all of this, there is the endless list of everyday life's Must Do's: groceries, bills, laundry, cleaning, working, appointments...and somewhere in all of this? Sleep.
So yes, I have a life of my very own, in addition to being a mom. I'd like to say I've got it right. I've nailed it: the whole juggling motherhood and yourself. But sometimes I think it is the moms who have given stuff up who are wiser. It's certainly easier. Maybe they are happier. Maybe they aren't needing to wear concealer every single day of their lives just to try and cover the bags under their eyes. But I just can't do it. I know me. I would be miserable. I would feel like a sell-out to myself. I would miss Me. But as I've come to learn you really can't have it all...at least not at the same time. So what I do choose to give up, I suppose, is energy. Calm. Time. Maybe that's not a smart thing to do. Yesterday I was at the doctor's for my annual physical. (Listen, I know what you're thinking...I'm complaining about having too much to do, so why not skip my physical? My doctor won't let me. Believe me. I tried.) I explained how tired I was all the time, how I crashed every single night by 7:30, how I never really felt 100% well.... Surely there is something she can suggest? Surely she can prescribe an extra special multivitamin for multitasking moms? You know what she prescribed? Exercise and sleep. Well, gee thanks. Got that. See you next year.