Monday, February 8, 2010

A Private Love Letter for the World to Read

Dear "Chris,"

When Momalom put out a challenge to write a love letter, you immediately came to mind. I hesitated, though, because really...what would people think...that I am choosing to profess my love to my husband? And on the Internet?? Seriously, how corny and codependent is that? I thought of so many other clever "loves": my stilettos, my cocktails, my pillow. Even writing a love letter to my children, although very predictable, would have been more acceptable, I suspect.

But I chose you. I think I owed it to you and to Us to be honest. To put it out there. You have never been afraid to shout it from the rooftops. And as loud as I usually am, I think you deserve a little more noise from my side.

Plus, our love affair started on paper...post-its stapled shut, letters on notebook paper...the lines impossibly and frantically filled with confessions, promises, and fears.

So let me just say it...the cliche...the thing so often found inside greeting cards this time of year: I don't know how I got so lucky.

I don't.

I look around and find it impossibly delicious that you are mine.

There was something about you, from the beginning, that made me stop breathing. Literally. I would stop breathing when you walked into a room. What is that? Really. What is that? And although I can say I think you're hot as hell, and although I am sure you'd love to hear that it was your amazingly rugged good looks that did it to me, it wasn't. It was something else entirely. Although, even now, ten years later, I still can not name it.

The absolutely most amazing thing about it is this: when you walk unexpectedly into a room, and I look up and am surprised to see you, in that moment when the realization hits that it is You, I still get a flutter...there is still a very slight, very shallow, very sudden intake of breath. Oh. It's you.

Some of my love is shallow and silly. Sometimes, when we're out on a date night, I scan the room. I look at all the men there and I pretend I don't know you and I am always amazed that you are the only guy I would want to buy me a drink. And probably take me home.

Some of my love is the kind that can only grow from the everyday: raising children, paying mortgages, real life. When the children are sick, you wake up right alongside me (sometimes without me), you take the temperatures, you clean the vomit, you hold them close until they fall asleep. You make them feel safe. When the house needs cleaning, when the dinner needs cooking, when the laundry needs doing, you just do it. You don't point it out. You don't ask for props. You never call it "helping."

But even more than my partner at home, you're my partner in crime. There is no one I have more fun with...no one I'd rather get slammed drunk with....no one makes me laugh as much as you do. How is it that I have married a man who can be at a club with me til 4:00 in the morning, partying like a frat boy, and then be Daddy the next day, so often better than I can be Mommy?

You love like no one I know, yet you don't offer it easily. It's hard to get to you. It's hard to matter in your life. As sensitive and passionate as you are, you reserve that for a very select few. You simply don't have time, you say. And, as you so honestly put it, just don't care. You don't care about being politically correct. You don't care about what others want or expect. You answer to nearly no one. Yet for those of us who have been lucky enough, your loyalty is frighteningly intense. You will go to the ends of the earth for someone you love, but always expect the same in return.

From the beginning, you put me first. That was our deal. Above everything and everyone, we would make Us our priority. And even after the kids came, even after life became more and more difficult to juggle, you've held me to that. You've held Us to that. When I get caught up in Life: the bills, the responsibility, the kids, the general noise inside my head, you call me on it. You want to talk. To drink wine. To listen. To love.

I love you as much for this constant desire to make time for us as for your absolute refusal to put up with my shit. I can be tough. I can be clingy. I can be whiny. I can be bitchy. You call me on that, too.

Yet despite your total and complete commitment to me, you have your own life. You have your passions outside of Us. You need your time away, your time alone, to be your own self, separate from being mine, or ours, or theirs. Your love for the outdoors, for your bikes, for testing your limits, makes me love you even more. You are, without question, your own person, apart from your family. And so you understand why I need to have my own things, too. It is what makes you understand all of me...my blog, my friends, my interests, my latest crazy idea.

That is the best thing about you, I think, if I had to pick one (other than those forearms of yours): you understand me. Really, and truly, you understand me. You've seen my absolute best and, embarrassingly, my absolute worst, and everything in between. You not only accept who I am, but you want me to be more of it: you are the one who constantly reminds me to stop being afraid of myself.

So, no. I don't know how I got so lucky. I don't know what happened or how it happened or why it happened. Sometimes I look around, at you, at our kids, at us, and I still can't believe this has worked. I can't believe we are this happy...this in sync. So, yes. My love letter had to be to you. Because there is nothing and no one I love the way I love you.

Love,
Me

18 comments:

  1. How incredibly sweet! You are blessed to have a love like that.

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  2. You are definitely a lucky woman, and he is a lucky man, to have found and maintained your love for so long. Many, many people lose that as the years (and the complications) grow.

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  3. This was just gorgeous Liz. Beautiful. Inspiring. Lucky you....

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  4. What lucky kids you have - to have a mommy & daddy so much in love!

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  5. So sweet and perfect. Too often husbands are (metaphorically) spit upon and scorned. Reading this reminds me of why marriage is so sought after. It's finding your lifelong partner. Someone who will laugh, cry, and stay with you. Someone who knows you in and out. Someone who is your best friend.

    What a perfect--and beautiful--contribution to Momalom's lovefest.

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  6. What an awesome and heartfelt shout-out to your man! It's beautiful.

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  7. You are one lucky girl and he's one lucky guy. How refreshing to read such a loving post about marriage.

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  9. Oh, Liz, what a wonderful letter. My favorite line? "You never call it 'helping.'" Now that's a sign that you have not only a great guy, but a great partner.

    And, by the way, I don't think it is corny at all to celebrate your love for your husband on Valentine's Day. He sounds well worth celebrating!

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  10. Thank you for writing a love letter to your HUSBAND. I have been waiting to read one. I should have known you'd be who I was waiting for. This is lovely. In so many ways. I know you know you are lucky. And that is a lot of what I like in you.
    Now, link it up, Girl-o!

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  11. Wonderful words to "Chris!" You are both very lucky!

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  12. Thank you for the beautiful words. I thank God for having placed you in my life and I thank you for giving us a shot! It's weird because regardless of the circumstance we faced at the beginning, I always knew you and I would have "happily ever after" in our future. Call me crazy, call me optomistic (just don't call me Hubby =) but I always knew we would work.
    I wish I had the written words to express how I feel about you (but this family has only enough time for one blogger in the house). You are a beautiful amzing woman. I am proud to have you as my everything.
    I Love You.
    Chris

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  13. "I look around and find it impossibly delicious that you are mine"
    such a great line! u guys are amazing. i feel lucky to have seen that such love does exist!
    those around you are blessed and cursed because honestly, my marriage will never live up to be like that!

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  14. Liz, you already know what I think. In short, YOU ROCK. You rock, you rock, you rock.

    And this has officially convinced me to come to Florida for a night out with you guys. I have a picture of the four of us at a club until 4 am and then out to brunch with the kids...wild and crazy, ALL OF IT!

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  15. A really great post. I got an amazing picture of you, your husband and your life together. Thanks for sharing that with us all. Sounds like an amazing, full, crazy, wonderful life. Very cool.

    Found you via SITS! Have a great day!

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  16. Such a beautiful letter Liz. I think it's amazing to write this down because it really brings home just how much loved ones mean to us x

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  17. I bet luck has nothing to do with it; I bet you are well-deserving of this love.

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