I am drunk. Red wine drunk. We're talking the kind when your lips are all stained purple. Red wine. It's my favorite. I have to save it for special occasions...occasions when I don't need to hold back, or be careful, or censor myself...because red wine is my drink of choice. It is also the drink that makes me feel the "free-est." (What do you mean "free-est" is not a word?!?)
I want to be free.
Free from judgment.
Free from worrying about other people's opinions.
Free from a mortgage I can barely afford, and 2 children I can barely contain, and a job that requires me to "behave." Free from all that life has somehow sucked me into.
How did this happen? How did I become "just like everyone else"?
I am not.
Like everyone else.
I'm really, really not.
This half-drunk challenge has been good for all of this...thinking about this kind of stuff. It's made me think... a lot...about what I am willing to put "out there"...what I'm willing to share...what I want people to know.
I'm trying desperately not to care whether I write something that's "good" or whether I offend.
So...I'm sitting here with Hubby. He's drunk too. (He has just stated that he does not like the name "Hubby'...who knew?!? This blog has been around for almost a year. NOW he tells me?!? My response: When you come up with something better than "Hubby", I shall use it.)
Blah, Blah, Blah...let's talk about something really worthwhile (so we can win some liquor)...SEX! Items in bold will be written by Chris F.K.A. Hubby) By the way, my name is not really Chris, but Liz says I look like one!
Okay, so you all see now I have a partner writer. I'm not so sure about this. (Sarah, you started this with all your Carrie Underwood stuff.)
Drinking makes me feel free. (No, I am not an alcoholic, but I think I'd be more fun if I were one.) I've said that I feel "most like me" when I'm either: drinking or running.
I have sex on the mind. (Really, don't we always?) Tiger Woods with all his sexcapades....Wolfie with her half-drunk post on "What makes you a hottie?" Sarah with her music and swooning.
So I've been sitting here for what feels like ever, trying to decide what to write about, but now Hubby (apparently, aka Chris) has decided to take over, so I give in and go drink more while he writes...
OK, I' m not proud to admit this (and as a man I really shouldn't be reading all of these Mommy posts) but as this Half drunk challenge has moved along, Liz has gotten really stoked about it. So, to be involved in her life I have done some reading. "Why are you a hottie? has been quite amusing and quite thought provoking. So here is my go at it. I think I'm a hottie because of the way I actually love my wife and put her before anyone and anything(including the kids)! Many people talk shit about their relationships and that it's the most important thing, but the reality is that they never do anything to nurture it or improve a difficult situation. People work hard at their careers, parenting, or hobbies, but don't put any effort into their spouses. Then, once the kids are grown, they wonder what the fuck happened. Well guess what, you got out of your marriage what you put into it! The way I love Liz and say it out loud from the mountain tops (and don't give a fuck who cares or what they think) is what makes me a hottie. (BTW, Did this make me sound like a Pu**y? :) )
Okay, so apparently I'm supposed to write now. Hubby (now known as Chris) says I should just
"let her rip."
I think marriage/children/mortgage sucks the sex right out of you. I think Life makes you forget who you were, who you want to be, who you Are. I think you have to fight, every damn day nearly, to keep it going. To keep that flame alive. To keep remembering why you got into this to begin with...to remember why you thought this person was: hot/amazing/interesting/worthy/whatever.
After a few years with kids and all that Life brings (financial strife, job responsibilities. illnesses, etc.), I have realized just how hard it is to keep It going....to keep the flame burning.
I'm sick of reading: "Schedule sex."
It's not that easy.
You think it is. But it's not.
It isn't until you have the 2.4 kids, the mortgage on the house you always dreamed of, the Everything, that you fully understand how hard it is to Keep It Going. To keep the passion alive. To continue to do all the things you have to make that love Inspiring.
I have someone who is sitting here, with me...who "gets" all of this. Who wants to make that fire burn brighter, but it's Hard.
I want to be Free. I want to be Fun.
But it's hard.
I'm a Mom. And life gets in the way.
Maybe my expectations are too high...maybe I want too much.
But wait...he wants it too. That guy who used to go by the name of Hubby and now wants to be known as Chris...he wants all the same stuff too.