I am drunk. Red wine drunk. We're talking the kind when your lips are all stained purple. Red wine. It's my favorite. I have to save it for special occasions...occasions when I don't need to hold back, or be careful, or censor myself...because red wine is my drink of choice. It is also the drink that makes me feel the "free-est." (What do you mean "free-est" is not a word?!?)
Free.
I want to be free.
Free from judgment.
Free from worrying about other people's opinions.
Free from a mortgage I can barely afford, and 2 children I can barely contain, and a job that requires me to "behave." Free from all that life has somehow sucked me into.
How did this happen? How did I become "just like everyone else"?
I am not.
Like everyone else.
I'm really, really not.
This half-drunk challenge has been good for all of this...thinking about this kind of stuff. It's made me think... a lot...about what I am willing to put "out there"...what I'm willing to share...what I want people to know.
I'm trying desperately not to care whether I write something that's "good" or whether I offend.
So...I'm sitting here with Hubby. He's drunk too. (He has just stated that he does not like the name "Hubby'...who knew?!? This blog has been around for almost a year. NOW he tells me?!? My response: When you come up with something better than "Hubby", I shall use it.)
Blah, Blah, Blah...let's talk about something really worthwhile (so we can win some liquor)...SEX! Items in bold will be written by Chris F.K.A. Hubby) By the way, my name is not really Chris, but Liz says I look like one!
Okay, so you all see now I have a partner writer. I'm not so sure about this. (Sarah, you started this with all your Carrie Underwood stuff.)
Freedom.
Drinking makes me feel free. (No, I am not an alcoholic, but I think I'd be more fun if I were one.) I've said that I feel "most like me" when I'm either: drinking or running.
I have sex on the mind. (Really, don't we always?) Tiger Woods with all his sexcapades....Wolfie with her half-drunk post on "What makes you a hottie?" Sarah with her music and swooning.
So I've been sitting here for what feels like ever, trying to decide what to write about, but now Hubby (apparently, aka Chris) has decided to take over, so I give in and go drink more while he writes...
OK, I' m not proud to admit this (and as a man I really shouldn't be reading all of these Mommy posts) but as this Half drunk challenge has moved along, Liz has gotten really stoked about it. So, to be involved in her life I have done some reading. "Why are you a hottie? has been quite amusing and quite thought provoking. So here is my go at it. I think I'm a hottie because of the way I actually love my wife and put her before anyone and anything(including the kids)! Many people talk shit about their relationships and that it's the most important thing, but the reality is that they never do anything to nurture it or improve a difficult situation. People work hard at their careers, parenting, or hobbies, but don't put any effort into their spouses. Then, once the kids are grown, they wonder what the fuck happened. Well guess what, you got out of your marriage what you put into it! The way I love Liz and say it out loud from the mountain tops (and don't give a fuck who cares or what they think) is what makes me a hottie. (BTW, Did this make me sound like a Pu**y? :) )
Okay, so apparently I'm supposed to write now. Hubby (now known as Chris) says I should just
"let her rip."
I think marriage/children/mortgage sucks the sex right out of you. I think Life makes you forget who you were, who you want to be, who you Are. I think you have to fight, every damn day nearly, to keep it going. To keep that flame alive. To keep remembering why you got into this to begin with...to remember why you thought this person was: hot/amazing/interesting/worthy/whatever.
After a few years with kids and all that Life brings (financial strife, job responsibilities. illnesses, etc.), I have realized just how hard it is to keep It going....to keep the flame burning.
I'm sick of reading: "Schedule sex."
It's not that easy.
You think it is. But it's not.
It isn't until you have the 2.4 kids, the mortgage on the house you always dreamed of, the Everything, that you fully understand how hard it is to Keep It Going. To keep the passion alive. To continue to do all the things you have to make that love Inspiring.
I'm lucky.
I have someone who is sitting here, with me...who "gets" all of this. Who wants to make that fire burn brighter, but it's Hard.
I want to be Free. I want to be Fun.
But it's hard.
I'm a Mom. And life gets in the way.
Maybe my expectations are too high...maybe I want too much.
But wait...he wants it too. That guy who used to go by the name of Hubby and now wants to be known as Chris...he wants all the same stuff too.
Liz! and "Chris"! You rock. I love this. I mean, I love it because you wrote about the hard stuff. Drunk. But you did it. Life does suck the life out of you. There is so much TRYING and WORK and REMEMBERING why we chose this life. And now I must stop commenting because my "hubby," who is not a hubby at all, as we are not legally married, is trying to SLEEP beside me. Because he is TIRED, because life is sucking sucking sucking. A lot lately. Thanks for sharing your love with us, you guys. Really, you're an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteThis is great. So lovely to see duo-drunken-daring-dialogue.
ReplyDeleteI think this should be a regular event, this 1/4 drunk, 1/2 drunk, 7/8 drunk direct from heart-to-screen mode of communication. And seeing couples share it is pretty cool.
No go polish off that wine, and enjoy each other.
I read 7/8 of this post aloud to Dan as he sat on the couch, clicking the remote. I wasn't going to drink tonite, been feeling sick all day, but guess what? I did. And now I'm wondering what to write. If I COULD write. If I have something daring to say. I've dared all of you! I better bring it!
ReplyDeleteI digress (um, drunk some?).
To Liz and Chris,
Reading about your passion makes me swoon. Makes me smile. Every time. Without delay. I am adorned by the beauty in your life. I am touched by the sweetness I see in your words - and in your pictures.
I feel a sense of peace when I read about your relationship. It is true. And real. And lasting. This much I see. So clear.
And to Chris, I am not a fan of "Hubby" either. So you will now be just Chris to me. Hello. And nice to meet you. And Dan and I just spoke moments ago about wanting to take a trip to Florida to see our old friends in Naples. I do hope you will join us in a night out on the town. We are fun. We will ALL have fun. But be warned, Dan does not hold his alcohol like I do. Heh Heh Heh.
You two are so cute. NO, for real cute, not gross cute.
ReplyDeleteHubby is always trying to get me drunk.
ReplyDeleteApparently that's the only time the "old" me comes out.
I get what he's saying, cause I Feel it too. Life is hard, and I got lost.
You are so right that Life sucks the Life out of us. We can come around, though. It takes hard work. It takes time usually. You two are soooo sweet doing this together.
ReplyDeletehahahahahahahaha
ReplyDeletefinally the husband makes a guest appearance!
you gotta love drunk aguerres.
and chris, you're not a pussy, you're just one the few last good ones.
"I think marriage/children/mortgage sucks the sex right out of you."
ReplyDelete"Many people talk shit about their relationships and that it's the most important thing, but the reality is that they never do anything to nurture it or improve a difficult situation. People work hard at their careers, parenting, or hobbies, but don't put any effort into their spouses. Then, once the kids are grown, they wonder what the fuck happened. Well guess what, you got out of your marriage what you put into it!"
Liz and Hub..I mean "Chris" - you guys NAILED it!!
I tell all my friends with small ones not to forget about each other. I wish someone had given me this advice. I look at Man-Child and realize that he will be gone in a couple of years - and where will that leave me and my Hubby/Chris?
I LOVE this! It is absolutely perfect. And I so wish that I didn't have to be drinking to realize that I still have sex in me. I guess I don't always have to be drinking to realize it. But it helps.
ReplyDeleteI love the freedom and energy in this post, even if its topic is your lack of freedom and lack of energy. :) And I hear you, absolutely I do. It just doesn't feel like there is enough time in the day to play all the roles we must; it's so hard to switch off Mommy and turn on wife/partner/lover. But at least you've got a partner who says this: "The way I love Liz and say it out loud from the mountain tops (and don't give a fuck who cares or what they think) is what makes me a hottie." As BLW would say, Hot-Hottie-Hot!
ReplyDeleteOh how cute are you GUYS??!! I think Momalom's next "contest" should be "...as written by the husband"... I loved hearing "Chris's" words. I mean the men are an extension of us, right? So to hear what they have to say lets us get to know each other that much better.
ReplyDeleteLoved your words, couldn't agree more. Chris seems to understand a bit better than Tim does about it just being so HARD to find the energy and the desire to live life the way I used to. I know Tim tries to get it, but he just can't.
You are an inspiration though... so thank you!
I laughed and thought my way through this post. It makes so much sense. It is when things get tough that you learn how much you love and appreciate each other.
ReplyDeleteI asked my husband if he likes "hubby." Turns out he doesn't. Who knew? See, you learn something new everyday!
love this post, the fact that you opened up and expressed what most of us feel as women, mothers and wives. To sum it up, I'm with you girl all the way.
ReplyDelete