It's here. 2010. A new year. I don't know what it is about New Year's Eve that always makes me feel especially introspective. I feel like I should be doing something. Thinking! Pondering! Reflecting! Resolving!
It never fails: as the famous Times Square ball starts to drop, I get anxious. Antsy. Hyper. "It's almost here! It's almost here! Hey, everybody! A new year! Everyone, quick: Make a plan!"
I get a little crazy on New Year's Eve.
I'm not really sure why, exactly. It's not like I'm into the whole resolutions thing. Personally, I like to take more of a holistic approach to change for the new year.
Every year, I try to look back upon the past year and figure out how I can be better...what was missing...what I enjoyed...what I needed more of... And then I try and focus on that for the new year. Yeah, I guess you could call it a resolution. But new year's resolutions tend to be pretty concrete, as in: "My resolution is to lose 10 pounds." I don't know how resolution-y it sounds to announce: "My resolution is to live lighter."
Yes. Live lighter. That is what I want to focus on for 2010. What, exactly, does that mean? No, I don't mean lighter on the scale (although those couple of pounds gained from waaaaay too much red velvet cake...post probably forthcoming...would be good to get rid of). I mean lighter in the way I approach life.
I am happy to say that a call from my doctor with good news about my test results has already lightened the load on my shoulders. I thought I was going to have to wait until at least Monday for my results, but the gift of relief came early enough to warrant an extra flute of champagne this evening. I want to carry this good news into 2010.
Lighter. In spirit.
I want the load of my anxieties, my stresses, my pessimism, my perfectionism, my temper, my essence to be lighter.
In 2010, I want to smile more. Giggle more. Laugh. Really laugh...throw my head back and snort (yes, I snort) in gleeful laughter when my husband makes one of his ridiculous jokes or my kids do something silly.
I was told recently I don't laugh so often anymore. Apparently, I am too tired or too busy or too stressed about work or dishes or laundry or ear infections or bills or all of it. Who the hell wants to live with someone like that? Who wants to be someone like that?
Light. I want a lighter 2010. More sunshine, more smiles.
That is my non-resolution resolution.
Happy New Year's, everyone.