Monday, May 31, 2010

What I Learned from Carrie Bradshaw


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When it came to "Sex and the City," I was a late bloomer.
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At the time, I didn't have HBO...
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...or a life.
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I was married to an incredibly repressive and dull man. I wore beige a lot. I didn't go out and I owned a couple of "proper" heels.
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My friends at the time were rabid SATC fans (as were most women). I finally got tired of sitting with them at lunch and trying to figure out who this "Big" was and why he was, depending on the week, either an incredible asshole or the man of their dreams.
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So, eventually, when the show was probably on Season 3 or 4 in "real time," I borrowed Season 1. And here is where the old cliche comes in: and the rest, as they say, is history.
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Carrie Bradshaw instantly became My Favorite TV Character Ever. I loved her quirkiness, her honesty, her flaws. I loved the way she'd muss up her already unapologetically frizzy hair when she was getting ready to walk into a place. I loved that she was a writer...that she sat down every day to write something that was honest, funny, poignant, and completely irreverant within its significance. I loved the way she strutted down the street in her stilettos, fur coat hanging open over a perfectly mismatched over-the-top outfit, a seeming powerhouse of self-confidence, yet floundered every day as she tried to figure out who she loved and what she wanted.
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Shortly after meeting Ms. Bradshaw, I found myself standing in a dressing room with my mother, trying on dresses for a very close friend's upcoming wedding. Everyone I knew socially and professionally would be there. I was trying to choose between two dresses: a lovely and safe little black number and a red, sparkly show-stopper.
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They both looked good, but the red one..? It was like no dress I'd ever seen before. It was delicate, unfinished layers of tulle and sequins and hand-beaded flowers. When I put it on, I felt like a cross between a ballerina and a princess.
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"I love this dress," I sighed longingly, trying it on for the third time.
"Why don't you get that one, then?" my mother asked.
"Because people will notice me when I walk in."
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People will notice me when I walk in.
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I didn't even think about it before I said it. It just came out.
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My truth.
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I didn't even know I felt that way.
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And I knew, instantly, that I had to have the dress. I had to wear the dress. I knew it was something Carrie would wear.
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That dress, that moment, was a turning point for me. And although I can happily say it is now 3 sizes too big, it still hangs in my closet. It still sparkles. It still makes me smile. It still makes me feel strong and pretty and confident. It still makes me want to be noticed.
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But Carrie Bradshaw didn't just teach me how to rediscover my old self, the one who liked colorful clothes, big hair, and stand-out outfits. Fashion was definitely an important cast member of "Sex and the City," but the show was really about friendship. Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha were four very different women. Whenever they sat down for breakfast at the diner or cocktails at the bar, they disagreed about a lot of things: Miranda's cynical practicality was a stark contrast to Charlotte's idealistic optimism, which went totally against Samantha's independent promiscuity. Yet, through every situation, they supported, understood, accepted, and embraced. Each woman was who she was, unapologetically and elegantly. And that, in turn, is how their friendships were: unapologetic and elegant.
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"Sex and the City" never celebrated the too-often seen and accepted bitchiness among women. The four of them respected each other...even when they were disagreeing or fighting (remember when Miranda found out Carrie was leaving NY to move to Paris with Aleksandr?! or when Charlotte initially refused to offer Carrie money to help her with her apartment?!?). They were honest, though. It was not simply acceptance with silence. It was acceptance with attempts to understand (or sometimes persuade in a different direction).
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Women everywhere have watched this show and wanted to be like these four women. But it's easy to charge in the three digits for a pair of designer shoes, or to make plans to go out for Cosmos with three fabulously dressed friends. It is not so easy to truly be those women: strong, independent, supportive, loyal, honest, and respectful towards each other.
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And, of course, in addition to the fashion and the friendship, there were the men. Every one of us who watched the show had a favorite. Personally, I was always more of an Aidan-kinda-girl. I have never been into men with Armani suits and perfectly coiffed hair. But in the end, even I had to admit that Big was the man for Carrie. No matter how nice (Aidan) or wordly (that hateful Aleksandr) the men were, she needed to be--as all of us should--with the one who understood her, who let her be Carrie, and who loved her for it.
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"...the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
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That man I used to be married to went out with the beige wardrobe. I am happy to say that I found my Big...although he owns one suit he'd rather not wear and his hair is more Aidan 1.0 than ever coiffed or cut, he loves the Me I love. And I know I could never have settled for less.
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So yes, Carrie Bradshaw has been a fashion icon and a source of enormous entertainment for many of us. But for me, and I am sure for so many others, she (and the other characters on the show) taught us a lot about life, love, friendships, and ourselves. As I get ready to slip on my Jimmy Choos (still haven't managed to get a pair of Manolos...) and go have a Cosmopolitan before watching the SATC sequel, I think of all I have learned from this fictional character, and tonight, I will raise a toast to Carrie and her friends for having taught me about so much more than just great shoes.

23 comments:

  1. Hi Liz - great post, love your honesty and THANK GOD you got the red dress! I was reading along thinking 'please, please don't go for the dull black'. And you didn't. Love it when that happens!

    I think your honesty about your past life is really refreshing and so well-learned. When you posted about it a few months ago - about your marriage breaking up, I tried to comment but couldn't because my laptop crashed. Arrgghhh. Anyway - your story echoes that of a very good friend of mine so I am always interested in your view. She got a sparkly red dress too...
    Louise x

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  2. I've read a lot of SATC posts in the past week- but yours is by far the BEST!

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  3. Now that was a rockin' take on things! I'm glad you have your Big, by the way!

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  4. I know a great seamstress that could totally take that red dress in...something that liberating should not just sit because it is too big...

    I have yet to see the sequel...I am going to try to go this coming weekend. But there is something about acceptance with respect, with honesty and the moment when you welcome it in...

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  5. Hi! I totally agree- Get the dress to a seamstress and wear it if not for Big but for you. I am so encouraged that the beige wife has found herself in a happier place. It is after all what we all deserve. Well done you.

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  6. A totally fantastic post, loved every word of it! your post is as inspiring as the SATC girls xx

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  7. LOVED this post, Liz!

    Go read about this red dress http://thebloggess.com/?p=7069 and then take yours to be altered. Because we all need a red dress.

    And then surround yourself with your girlfriends - because without their support where would be? - and go see SATC.

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  8. Picture of you in that dress, please.

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  9. Wow, this is a fabulous post. Go you! (And Carrie, of course.)

    Ditto what Sarah said above me. I want to see you in the red dress!!

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  10. Gorgeous post Liz... for so many reasons. I so loved their friendships and how they got through so much together. I never got Big much either, I was team Aidan but I knew why Carrie had to end up with him. Hope you enjoyed the movie - will be interested to hear your thoughts on it! xx

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  11. well I for one am so very proud of you for finding who and what you are and then doing it! you go girl!

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  12. I loved that show, too. I'm so glad you connected with your inner Carrie and bought the red dress. Because sometimes it's nice when people notice when you walk in.

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  13. Love this writing! And yes, we all need to see you in the red dress!!!

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  14. I am not a fan of SATC, but I love how you connected to it and I can see some of myself in your revelation. Perhaps I should give the series another shot.

    And, yes, we need a photo of that dress!

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  15. Hi Liz,

    I just read your blog and I actually got teary eyed. It is so well written, funny, cute, romantic, emotional, so on. I loved it. Working with you these past few weeks, I have often thought, "wow, she's a great teacher", but girl, you're a kick ass writer as well. Loved it! Looking forward to reading more! Carrie Bradshaw, watch out!

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  16. Honestly I don't know how I got to your blog, but boy am I glad I did!! You are an excellent writer and I've enjoyed all of the posts that I've read. I'm a new follower!!

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  17. I love SATC and loved your post! I too was a SATC late bloomer.

    Stopping by from SITS!

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  18. Liz, I loved the line when you said, "I wore beige a lot". That just stuck out to me. It shows how you used to live your life in a way that was safe, unoffensive, and very well camouflaged. Soooo glad you bought the red dress!

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  19. Bravo. Fantastic post Liz. I too so identify with Carrie. And she's in the back of my mind often when I hit the stores to find the "right" outfit for the occasion. She moved the bar a bit as far as what I find comfort in wearing. I take more chances. Find more confidence knowing being a little "different" or showy is ok.

    you should take a pic of that red dress in your closet with some !!! attached to it... it sure brings you the happy!

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  20. Love this post - what I love about SATC is that great, underlying wonderful friendship. Yes some bit are OTT and some of the clothes a step too far but the real message is still coming over loud and strong

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  21. I had such mixed feeling about that show at times. but overall, I really enjoyed it- each season had its own personality. And, although I loved Carrie too, I have to say I loved Miranda best. Oh, and Stanford! I still will watch an episode sometimes while I'm cleaning house just to hear some of those witty clips.
    You keep that red dress friend ;0)

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  22. I love when you write of the love of your life.

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  23. I'm a little late to this party, but this is an awesome post! I'm saving it and giving a copy to my girlfriends. For the first time in my life - at 48 - I have friends who love the me that I love, and I love them right back!

    And the man who does the same. (I consider my first marriage as a learning curve.)

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