Are writers prone to angst?
Or are angst-ridden people prone to writing?
I wonder, if all those years when I was a little kid, clicking away at my sister's typewriter, scribbling in my pink and purple lock-and-key diaries, filling up pages of notebook paper, it was because, even then, I was driven by the need to vent?
Even at that young age, I thought about Stuff. I worried. I pondered Life.
Much like my oldest, who recently asked if he were to touch his daddy's and my hands when we went to heaven, if maybe, just maybe, we could take him with us, and how he had decided, right then and there, that he would, in fact, touch us, "just in case." All of this...from a 5 year old. The one who Hubby says is the emotional and psychological spitting image of me.
It seems his brain never shuts down.
I can relate.
My mind is never quiet.
And it is usually when I am in A Place...some weird place I can get in...either surrounded by plans or dreams or worries or fears or all of these, that I feel the urgency to write most. Even when I don't write (as has been the case on this blog lately), I am constantly composing in my head. The sentences are formed, the words swirl around, all in an attempt to make sense of it all: whatever is in there, currently, in my head.
Perhaps it is like a defense mechanism: the words are my safety net that catch the thoughts that threaten to drown me. They give me the very false feeling that I am in control. Of something. Of anything. At the very least (or the very most?) of myself.
And so I wonder: is it the writer in me that over thinks everything? Or is the thinker in me that has to write?
What a very, very, very good question ... The same tension exists within me too, and don't know the answer. I do know that it's instinctive, the writing to figure out what I think, what I feel. I can't imagine not doing it. xox
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel! I'm constantly thinking in prose. I find that writing helps me to understand exactly what I'm feeling and why; whether or not that "writing" actually gets written.
ReplyDeleteMy mind isn't busy all the time, as a matter of fact on most days it's so quiet up there I want to poke it with a stick.
ReplyDeleteI write more out of a sense of purging and venting. I also feel strong urges to write when and idea or concept hits me over the head.
I'm not a "why" girl either. I think we as a society think to much already. Of course there are those things that need a "why" but for the most part thinking gets in the way with living in the moment.
No, I'm not high ; )
It is a good question, and I don't know the answer. I think you're right though--writers tend to live in their heads, for better or for worse.
ReplyDeleteFor me, it's the thinker that needs to write (or talk...LOL) I have to get it out of my head. My son is alot like me too...always thinking and wondering and talking and doing. Never stopping.
ReplyDeleteGreat post...has me thinking...which leads to writing.
Best,
Tina
Your 5 year old sounds like a pretty special little guy. I have no idea which it is, the chicken or the egg, but either way I know I can relate
ReplyDeletewww.saysskippy.blogspot.com
great man great thoughts i like it for my car and find irresistible it like a follower so your
ReplyDeleteeffort is appreciate capable and in the last i would like to thank you dear for sharing it with us so nicely hids