A blog about a girl who used to be pretty interesting, but then she had kids.
Saturday, October 22, 2022
There is no such thing as a routine mammogram when your sister had breast cancer
Tuesday, August 16, 2022
My babies are in high school...together
For the last 12 years, we always had one or both of our boys with us at our school where we teach. We drove the 40-minute commute in different combinations: somedays all four of us; other days split into pairs (those mornings when we knew the boys sitting in the back seat together for that long was going to be a really bad idea); and yet other days split into a ratio of 1 to 3 ("You take them today because I have them in the afternoon and I really need some quiet time this morning.").
For the last 12 years, they were always around...hanging out in our classrooms in the mornings or afternoons, being excused from class to see us because they needed something for a headache, or a form they'd forgotten to get signed, a snack, or just because they were running an errand for their teacher and stopped by on the way to say "hi." And my husband's and my favorite moments: those spontaneous, unexpected sightings in the hallways which would usually result in a high five, a passing joke, or (especially these last couple of years with our "gentle giant") a body-jarring hug.
Today, Aidan Kai (aka The Baby) started high school.
We overhead them talking about it last night:
"Don't worry, Kai. We'll get there early and I'll walk you around to all of your classes so you'll know where to go. And maybe I can even meet you in between some of the classes."
"Ok, thanks, Ben. And oh, can we use our phones in class, or is it like elementary and middle school?"
"No," Ben held back a chuckle. "You can use your phone."
"Then can I text you during the day?"
"Yeah. Sure."
We were ready, as parents, for this new chapter. We were ready to be, for the first time, just Mom and Dad, and not Mr. and Mrs. A...to be able to let go after having them with us from kindergarten to 8th grade...to know they will be in situations--academically and socially--that we not only will know very little about, but will also not be able to step in and intercede. We have no "pull" now.
Knowing Aidan Kai, who has always been a little shyer, a little less daring socially, will have his big brother there to guide him gives us peace of mind. And to know Ben actually wants Kai there...that gives us a satisfaction we cannot express. We spent their whole lives trying to get them to bond, to rely on each other, to be kinder to each other than to anyone. Years spent camping and traveling and playing and talking...we think they are paying off now.
Towards the end of last school year, Ben told me: "You know, I'm excited about Kai coming to school with me next year. I think it's going to be fun to have him there, to be at the same school again."
Our boys...
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Today when I got home from work, before I wrote this post, I went back to my first-ever blog post about the boys. It made my heart ache a little for those babies, but it also made my heart swell with pride and joy and excitement watching who they are growing up to be as individuals, but also, as brothers.
*Here's my original post from March 8, 2009.
Introducing: The Boys
Here they are...the source of much of my joy and frustrations: The Boys.
Ben's 3 1/2. He's a rock star, for sure. And not only in his parents' very biased minds. Everyone who knows him thinks he's a rock star. So does he. Fortunately, on most days, we totally lucked out with this one. He really is everything you'd want your kid to be: funny, smart, athletic, and (almost always) sweet. But we are well aware that we need to keep a tight leash on this one. He's scary bright. He also inherited some of his parents' "best" qualities: stubborn and opinionated. His favorite sayings? "Watch me," "Try to catch me!" and "I know that."
Then along came Aidan Kai. The name "Aidan" means "fire." The name "Kai" means "ocean" in Hawaiian. So there you go...a walking contradiction. He's only been around for 7 months, but he's already given us our share of contradictory feelings as well: "Isn't he the cutest thing EVER?" and "Why the heck did we want another one, again?" He spent the first 4 1/2 months of his life wailing, shrieking, crying, and making everyone around him state the obvious: "But Ben was never like this!" And although he now spends most of his time flashing his dimples, he's still known as our "High Maintenance Boy." I feel strangely protective of Aidan Kai. Perhaps it's all the sibling comparisons from everyone, perhaps it's the dimples, perhaps it's the High Maintenance label that has been permanently affixed to him, but I can just relate to him. I can't wait to see what kind of kid he's gonna be.
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Thursday, January 20, 2022
Holding On
I used to sneak
into your room
while
you slept
your chubby
little arms up over your head
in relaxed
tiny fists
the
dimples on your cheeks
matched
the ones on your hands
no matter how big you grew
no matter how distant your infancy started to
feel
I would foolishly measure your little-ness
by those hand dimples
innocent, soft, milky white hands
with sweet short fingers, neatly trimmed nails
tiny peekaboo dimples over each knuckle
assuring me of what still remained:
your baby-ness and mushy-ness and delicious-ness
as long as I could still see those tiny hand
dimples
I could believe you were still a baby
My baby
they filled in a while ago
along with your face and shoulders and arms
you are truly living up to your nickname now
The Gentle Giant
your shoulders almost as broad as your daddy’s
your muscles almost as strong
when I hug you
I have to get on my tippy toes
your arms surround me and make me question
who
at this point
is protecting who
those tiny, boyish, dimply hands are now
nearly the largest in the house
they open jars and lift heavy things
and can now hold me back with ease
when I try to tickle or wrestle with you
like we used to
the sweetness and softness are still there
when you humor me and still let me
hold your hand in the car while I drive
but now my hand is enveloped
swallowed by yours
they are grown-man-hands
but still feel like my baby’s hands
I snuck into your room last night
your now chiseled face was nearly hidden
by your Jurassic Park comforter
your body so big that
one foot nearly touched the wall at the end
of the bed
it made my heart sing and ache to see that
your hand was curled around
an orange stuffed dinosaur
but as I leaned in to steal a silent kiss
I most definitely did not see
any
hand dimples