Friday, February 26, 2010

Going (almost) "commando" (Updated: the winner is...!)

Once, while getting my hair highlighted, I announced to my stylist that my husband "doesn't let me wear Spanx."

The woman sitting in the salon chair next to me, who apparently decided that if you are getting your hair done at the same time then you are entitled to participate in each other's conversations, piped in with: "Oh honeeeey, and you let your husband tell you what to do?"
.
Now, anyone who knows me...or more importantly, knows my husband...would scoff appropriately here.
.
Fortunately, my hairstylist did.
.
It's not that Hubby does or doesn't "let" me do anything. That's not the kind of relationship we have (nor the kind of people we are), but it is true, that there are certain things he feels really, really strongly about, and Spanx is one of them.
.
Do you know Spanx? Perhaps you own several and are already planning the persuasive comment you will leave for me after reading this post, telling me what I'm missing out on. For the rest of you who may not be so sure what I'm talking about, let me give you the short version. It's a high-end designer girdle. There are various styles and they all do essentially the same thing: suck, smoothe, and shape. Every time Kim Kardashian steps out for the night in one of those incredibly tight and slutty dresses of hers? She's got one under there. For sure. They really are supposed to be magical: they suck everything in (think: cycling spandex shorts made for any and all parts of your body) and eliminate all lumps, bumps, dimps, and rolls. They make you look thinner, tighter, leaner.
.
So why, I am sure you are wondering, wouldn't I want to wear one of these contraptions for Hubby so I can look oh-so-much-hotter in my date night dresses?
.
"Cause when I come home and want to take that dress off I don't want to be confronted with something a 60-year-old would wear. I don't wanna find a wet suit. The flaws you all obsess over? Trust me, we don't see 'em. And the ones we do? We don't really care about. Men know what you have under there, and we're just damn happy to be spending time with it."
.
Hubby doesn't ask for a lot. He's not a demanding kinda guy. But he does ask that if I don't feel that I can wear the dress without something "minimal" (his word) under it, then just don't buy it.
.
Esentially, if my outfit and my lingerie got into a fight, Hubby would be rooting for the undergarments.
.
As much as this guy does for me, I can live with this. Believe me, I have been tempted. I have stood in the dressing room, a hot dress clinging to my 37-year-old Cuban Mommy body, and I have thought: "Oh, almost... If I could vacuum myself into one of those Spanx things, it just might work..."
.
But then I remember his requests. And I remember my drawers full of lacey, flimsy, wispy nothings, and how the truth is, I do feel pretty sexy in them, especially on the days I don't stand too long obsessing in front of the full-length mirror. (And, if you've ever tried one of those things on, you know that whatever it's sucking in has gotta go somewhere, so you tend to have a bit of my-cup-runneth-over-effect, and I don't think I'm willing to create back cleavage in order to make my ass look smaller).
.
So flimsy it is. And fortunately, I've recently found a whole new realm of flimsy: Cosabella. I'm not usually into the whole random product review or giveaways, but really, when a high end lingerie line that has a collection inspired by "Sex and the City" contacts me, I'm not about to say 'no.' And when my thong arrived in the mail that was promised to be the lightest, thinnest, best no-panty-line panty in the market, Hubby was not about to say 'no.' This thing was like the anti-girdle. And Hubby likey. And since it was comfortable, me likey too.
Source: Cosabella
.
So I sacrifice celebrity-red-carpet-like perfection (as if!) so Hubby is happy when he comes home. I may be missing out on a whole lot of amazing outfits that I could've worn if only I'd given in to the miracle of Spanx, but at the end of the night, I don't think he's obsessing over my lumpy thighs or my still too-soft abs...at least not in a bad way.
.
Giveaway! If you'd like to dare to strip away the shapewear and give some flimsiness a try, here's what to do: 1)Visit the Cosabella site and check out the goods; 2) Come back here and comment on your favorite item/s; and 3) Tell me why you should win a Cosabella Aire Set (Thong OR Hotpant AND matching Bra, valued at over $70). Deadline: March 4th.

23 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Spanx suck! Literally and figuratively...and I gotta tell you, nothing sucks desire out of you that one of those things.. Remember the scene in St. Elmos' Fire with Rob Lowe and the blonde girl...thngs getting hot and he stumbles across on of those...no thanks...I will take my imperfect body and work it... Where do I leave the comment on their website?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sorry, just cleared up the commenting confusion!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Can I also participate? I would love to win "us" a new sexy little set!
    "Chris"
    PS- Forget Spanx. There is nothing sexier than a confident woman with great lingerie.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, my, I'd LOVE to win this. Dh is much like your dh- he wants to see me, not some crazy contraption. To him, that is sexy. Keeping in mind his likes, the Ever Lowrider Hotpants would be awesome. He loves red.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Giveaway aside, Liz, this has got to be the best freaking post you have ever written on you and Chris and your body and sex and sexiness and..and..and.... well, you know. It rocks. You rocks. I LOVE IT. And I'm forwarding it to Geege right now...she's always joking about the Spanx.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great post! so funny- I was getting my haircut this week and I said, "Oh, Bryan always wants me to cut bangs," and something else like that, and I could feel the "Oh, bless your heart, you let your husband boss you around" vibe. But I SO know what you mean- he has so few requests of that nature, i do try to humor him. He HATES my padded bras. I can't give them up completely, but I do leave them behind on date nights.
    Oh, and I should totally win, because I love Cosabella. They are one of the few lingerie lines that make pieces that are honestly flattering on smaller chested women. I love all the stretchy-lacy stuff, but especially stuff like the babydoll. Feminine but not over the top, and comfortable too!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi - found you from SITS. My problem with Spanx-type things is they're kinda like a sausage casing: they squeeze you in, but then you overflow. Glad your hubby doesn't like them - I don't think mine would, either!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I know my husband would agree with yours. He is not a fan of girdle-type undergarments for any reason! And I'm like the woman at the salon, I get nosy when conversations are in my range of hearing, although I do *try* not to put my two cents in!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I wore Spanx once. I felt like a fucking kielbasa. I thought I was going to suffocate to death! SO uncomfortable! I love Cosabella lingerie. Their swimsuits are awesome, too!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Haha, your posts always seem to hit home with me. You are so right, my husband finds no sex appeal in anything that you have to practically take a pair of scissors to just to get out of (like a package of bacon!!) Have a wonderful weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I know what you mean about these things. As well as the St Elmo's fire scene (love that movie BTW!) it also reminds me of the scene in Bridget Jones when Hugh Grant finds the "Big Pants" as we call them in England on Renee Zellweger. I think his words are "F**k me, those are some huge knickers!". I do own some and have resorted to them when needs must. But if I think there's gonna be some good lovin' at the end of the evening, I always remove them first. OH doesn't mind so much but I know he wouldn't particularly want to be faced with them either! Me too in fact -I avoid the mirror until fully dressed!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I did laugh at the beginning of your post....I was somewhere the other day (can't even remember where) and I heard a conversation that I was just dying to join in with!!! I didn't...obviously!! LOL

    I have never worn Spanx or considered it - I figure if it holds you in in one place, then it has to come out somewhere else :)

    Great post Liz - you have a wonderful husband :)

    Happy Week-end!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I don't even know you and I love your husband. :) great post!

    ReplyDelete
  15. This is the funny thing to me, Liz. We all look on the "old days" of our mothers or grandmothers bound up in these horrible girdles and yet what exactly are spanx or those products but girdles? And they're even a bit more evil in that there are spanks for every part of your body - you can wear them under your pants all the way down to your ankles! Let me tell you, in Arizona when it's 115 degrees, that's what you want to have on - a body girdle under your pants! Spanx for your arms and your back. When did it stop being okay to be a woman? And my husband concurs, what's so great about touching a waist while dancing that feels like firm latex?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Love, love, love this! (Made me think of the scene in "Bridget Jones Diary" when the sexy seduction reveals "granny pants."

    Give me my French lingerie and natural curves any day!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm just going to have to disagree with most of you here. I love Spanx. Yes, they are tight. Yes, they are a girdle. But I think they make me look awesome in all skirts and dresses and I find myself perfectly capable of being Spanx-girdled for an entire day (for me heels are far more uncomfortable). Since I have discovered Spanx, I dress so much better (lots more dresses and skirts, which my husband really likes on me). Out of curiosity, I asked him what he thought of them on me. He says he thinks they're sexy (they're form-fitting and make my rear look terrific), just as Daniel Cleaver liked them on Bridget Jones. So please recognize that for some women they're great, and for some men they're not at all repulsive.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Okay. I went to the site. And now I just have to tell you that quite possibly anything from that lovely little lingerie boutqiue-y place would do and that I DESERVE TO WIN because YES, I am STILL wearing maternity underwear and my last baby is nearly 2. Why, you ask? Well, because I'm a lazy little tramp whose not been very trampy lately at all. And I could use as swift kick in mah style.
    So, in conclusion, some new undies please and could you throw in a cute pair of stilettos? I know you can spare some, Lizzie girl.

    :)

    Love ya!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Liz, this is perfect! I love my flimsy underwear - which I admit I am new to. I was like Sarah until last fall. I bought some fairly nice underwear at Macy's. Then, I discovered thongs. Now, I wear those more than anything else. I love them!

    I went to Cosabella and have to tell you I couldn't say what I liked best. Good think I spent my tax refund already or I would buy lingerie and no new camera.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Your husband is a wise dude!! (Stopping from SITS)

    ReplyDelete
  21. A. I hate spanx.

    B. I love Cosabella and did a great giveaway with them too. They are great to work with and I LOVE my hotpants. Great giveaway but I am not entering because I am biased and already have some. :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. AND THE WINNER IS...Sarah at Momalom.com, because REALLY?!? Maternity underwear?!? Two years later?!? Uh. No. I can not live with myself knowing this is happening. Plus, I'm all for being a little trampy, so Sarah, congrats and go back to find your "trampy" ways. Your assignment, upon receipt of your prize, is to empty out and THROW AWAY any underwear even resembling maternity (or at the very least, put in a storage box for possible future use?), and go out shopping for smaller things...they do not have to be expensive, but they DO have to be, ahem, non-maternity. Deal? Tell your husband he can thank me later.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I will DO IT.

    And I will take pictures to prove it and post it!

    You rock my world. Period.

    ReplyDelete

Comments rock...