Monday, April 23, 2012
I have to start by admitting that I am vvvveeeeerrrrryyyyyy hesitant about joining Momalom's 5 for 5 this time around. I'm pretty scared I'm not going to follow through this week, and I can't not beat myself up when I don't finish something I started. But, what the hell? Let's give it a shot. Maybe it will be the kick in the ass I need to get back to blogging more than once a week, and more importantly, making the time to read other blogs I've been neglecting...it seems I am always most inspired when I can find the time to do just that. Plus, I've been quite curious about this whole "Just Write" thing. See, that's another thing I find nearly impossible: just write? Without a specific plan? A purpose? A point? An inspiration? I don't know know about that. So, if today's 5 for 5 topic were "daring" or "risk" or "just for shits and giggles," I'd be spot on right now.
But the topic is change. And as I thought about it, the first thing that came into my mind is how this blog has changed from its first days.
I created this space to give me a place to vent about my life as a new mom. Although I knew other topic (running! diets! sleep! Carrie Bradshaw!) would occasionally pop in, I mostly wrote about my life after kids... how my life had CHANGED because of these little boys....how I was trying to NOT CHANGE too much because of these little boys... It was all about the "but then she had kids" part.
And then, recently, I was reviewing some of my recent posts, and very few of them had anything at all to do with motherhood or my boys. I had posts about landscaping and mortgages and Paris and the beach and how fucked up I really am, but only a scattered few here and there about the actual reason this blog was created.
So my blog has changed, for sure.
But that's because my life has changed, again, too.
Just like everything swayed and shifted and toppled when the kids came along, now everything has morphed again: life is not what it used to be when they were babies, when we were new at this, when we were all getting to know each other, when we were all figuring this all out.
Now, life just is.
The boys are just a part of it.
There's no longer resistance from us.
Hubby and I are most definitely Mama and Daddy, but still, again, also Just Us. We don't have to fight against it all so much. We don't have to find our new normal. This is our normal now.
And it's good. There are days that are definitely harder. But for the most part, I don't feel that angst to blog about the spilled milk (literally) or the sleepless nights or the (GOD FORBID!) potty training. There is definitely drama and frustrations, but...I don't know...maybe I'm so used to them now that I'm not so inspired to write about them all the time. And really, I've come to realize that when it comes to parenting, there is always plenty to complain about (and plenty to celebrate), but after they are no longer teeny tiny babies and after they are real actual people with real actual personalities and opinions, they become a part of life as you know it. You all become one. The two of us really did become the four of us. And so, the "but then she had kids" part is really just where it all began.
P.S. Check out my previous post...our "Desperate Landscapes" episode is finally airing this week! YAY! Check out the CHANGE our front yard went through.