Saturday, August 8, 2009

Boy 2: Chapter 1 Closed

My baby is one. One year old. That's it. The end of another chapter. We will never again have another child under the age of one.

"But you hated having a child under one!" my friend responded, when I admitted I had been feeling a bit melancholic about the whole thing.

I know. It's true. I have never really enjoyed the baby-baby stage. I started digging parenthood when they started doing "stuff" know, tricks: waving bye-bye, giving kisses, saying Mama, walking. That whole getting-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-constant-feedings-just-laying-there-or-crying-stage never appealed to me, no matter how good that newborn smell is.

So the whole past year (especially the first half) I've been thinking about this day, looking forward to it, waiting for it. One year old. We've crossed the threshold from true baby into near toddlerhood. So here we are.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because we know for sure now that the "shop is closed." Maybe it's just experience and maturity...the knowledge you gain when you've already parented one and realized that in spite of how slowly the bad days seem to pass, in the blink of an eye he will be two and then three and then four. And you will look back on the pictures of this first birthday party and barely remember it...or remember every single detail...but still be amazed. Amazed by how "cute" he was or how "little" or how "funny" or how much he "loved that present" or how that little one-year-old in the pictures feels very, very, very far away and long ago from the child you have now.
When Hubby tried to convince me I should not be melancholic, how it did not make sense, how we love parenting so much more after the one-year-old mark, I compared it to your son growing up and getting married: you are happy (unless you really don't like the girl, but let's not even go there...I have already been warned that I will not get along with any of the girlfriends) because you want your son to be happy, to find love, to start a family. But still, at the wedding, you're gonna get teary, you're gonna be emotional, you're gonna be melancholic. Well, Aidan Kai turned one. I wanted him to turn one. I am excited he is one. I do not want to have any more children. This is a good day. But I am still a bit teary, emotional, and melancholic.
So Happy Birthday to my baby, my Aidan Kai, my ball of little boy who came into this world with so much drama and turned our little family a bit upside down with his colicky shrieks, his indignant wails, his deep belly chuckles...who knows just how to tilt his head and bat his eyelashes in order to completely melt me...who can recover from a nasty fall (or drop or shopping cart accident) in a flash...who can make you smile simply by wrinkling his nose and flashing his dimples...who will pull you up by your hair (literally) if you even attempt to doze on the floor while he is playing. Happy Birthday to the little boy who has completely stolen my heart and made me so glad that I caved and had "just one more."


  1. I know how you feel...SOmetime I wish I could just freeze them how they are at one particular moment so that I can go back and enjoy them again...It doesn't matter how much you want them to attain a new skill or justget through whatever phase they are can never go back. I think that is what makes it so hard for us as mothers. He is just precious!

  2. You and I are far too similar. I am so not a baby baby person but I do want the growing up to SLOW DOWN. I love feeling so "needed", I love that Luke can't talk back and I know I will miss the true innocence, sweetness and pure joy he shows at the smallest things. As much as I love the interaction as they get older... there's something about them in their "squishy" years. Happy Birthday to your little guy!

  3. Ohhh... my baby boy is going to be 8 months old this week. I so totally feel you on this topic. I fantasize about the day both of my boys are school age, but I hate myself for wishing this time away. When he's just out of a bath in those fresh jammies with that squishy little bod, I just want to eat him up!
    he is too cute, I hope it was a great day!

  4. Oh, I was/am not an infant person either. I DO have some lovely, warm, fuzzy memories of that first year (and some days I want those days back), but overall, meh. I found that year to be very hard, very exhausting, very, very overwhelming.

    But congrats on your 1-yr-old!

  5. What a cutie! I am nearing that milestone, uh, I mean, my baby is nearing that milestone of turning 1. And I am sad. I am a baby-baby person. But she is my last, and I am sad. They DO grow fast. But I know you are enjoying your kids, just as I am enjoying mine. (Even though some days the term "drop kick" enters my mind.)


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