Thursday, April 29, 2010

Girl Power



Last night I had cocktails with 3 of my girl friends. As we sat at the table, sipping our martinis, we jokingly compared ourselves (as countless other women have, I am sure) to the most famous four girlfriends ever: Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte.

"Oh, well, Liz is definitely Carrie, and I'm Charlotte, and..."
"No, no! You are so not Charlotte. You are more Miranda."
"Miranda? Me? Well, maybe in some ways, but you're a little Carrie too."
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This is how it went.
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And we came to the conclusion: Each one of us is all of them.
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That was the whole point, I think, of the show....that although we probably related to one character more than another, we're all a complicated mish mash of these 4 women.
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Depending on the day, the time in our lives, who we are with, and perhaps the kind of shoes we are wearing, we're all a little Carrie/Samantha/Charlotte/Miranda. That's what makes us, as women, interesting, complicated, and probably incredibly infuriating to our signifcant others (and ourselves).

I've known these girls for a long time, 2 of them for over 10 years. We are all teachers. We all have children. Three of us have gone through divorces. We have a million things in common. We all like each other. We all complain about not spending enough time with friends, doing what we like to do, relaxing away from the husbands and the kids and life's laundry list of to-dos. And yet I don't remember the last time we did something together. We've gone months (or maybe it's been over a year?) without going out together, but last night they practically had to kick us out of the restaurant at closing time. And then, we stood outside of the restaurant and talked and laughed and cried for another hour and a half.

I write on this blog all the time about how hard life as a mom can be, especially when you don't want to give up "the rest." I write about how amazing it is that I've found these women out there in the blogosphere who are "like me," who understand, who help me realize that I am not crazy or abnormal or a bad mother. And I always wish I could meet these women on the playground, at the coffee shop, at the bar, instead of just online. (And I still do wish you all lived nearby.)

But last night, as I sat there, with these 3 women I've known for so long, who I see almost daily at work, I realized that sometimes if you make the effort, if you open yourself up enough to let others in, what you've been looking for could be found right under your nose.
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Last night, there was no judgment, no drama, no complications, no stress. What there was, however, was laughter, confessions, honesty, respect, and an incredible amount of understanding. There was also a lot of: "Me too!" and "I thought that was just me!" and "Oh, so that's normal?" and my personal favorite: "Oh my God, I always thought that made me suuuuch a bad mother..."

At one point in the evening, I admitted that I always feel guilty about not being joyful first thing in the morning when I see my kids. We laughed, because most of us are not full of joy over anything in the morning, much less when our children are wailing for breakfast or Barney or a diaper change at 6 in the morning on a weekend. But here's the amazing thing: this morning, when I saw the boys, in spite of the cocktail-induced-cotton-mouth and 3-hours-sleep-headache, I had to smile. I was happy to see them. Perhaps not happy that it had to occur before 7 in the morning, but I was happy to look at their little faces. And I realized that it was because of last night...because I was able to talk about this, to vent, to laugh, to compare notes, to feel understood and to provide validation, to be away from it all...that I was able to face the morning and the requirements of Life with some amount of happiness.
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Last night, I felt free to be myself.
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I felt genuinely understood and supported amidst the laughter and the squeals and the silliness. We were our interesting, complicated selves.
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Unapologetic.
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So there we were: this complicated, interesting mish mash of 4 women, all so alike and all so different.
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And there they've been...all along.

16 comments:

  1. On my way home I felt like the luckiest "intersting and complicated woman" in the world. These fun, intelligent, and real women are true friends. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. I can't wait for our next recharge. Thanks girls!

    the maybe Miranda

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  2. I'll raise my Carrie-esque cosmo to friendships like that! Here's to friendships, new and old.

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  3. :-)
    YES, yes yes! Yes it was amazingly liberating to once again share secrets, troubles, and funny stories with friends over cocktails. Yes, it is so true we can all be Sex in the City gals (sometimes more than one in one day). And YES it has been much easier to be a mom today, after such a fun night with FRIENDS. Thanks Liz for putting it in writing! I loved it, & do hope we can do it more often as we can all benefit from such fun evenings!

    feeling like a Charlotte

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  4. Well - you're lucky to have such lovely friends. I have great friends too but not a group to go out with like that. They're scattered around and don't all know each other. I love SATC. Keep on having fun!!

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  5. Wow, what a great night. Sounds soul-soothing. I love when you search and search for something and then find it where you least expected.

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  6. Liz - I am a BIG believer in girlfriends! Without them - and spending time with them - we cannot be the best wife or mother. It's that simple. When you get stuck in the rut of everyday - day in and day out - it's hard to see the good in what we have. The chance to get out; vent, laugh, cry or whatever somehow frees us. And the analogy about all women being a little bit Carrie/Samantha/Charlotte/Miranda? Loved it and so very true. I love the way you string your words together so very eloquently. And I'm glad you got your girls night out!

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  7. Good for you girl, there are so many martyr mommies out there it's refreshing to hear and read about women who don't lose themselves in motherhood and marriage.

    I must admit though, sometimes, going out with my bfff has the opposite affect. The next day when reality hits, about 50% of the time I have to gently ease back in or I turn into mommymonster. tee hee hee.

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  8. Oh, good for YOU! We all need nights like these. Sarah and I have been trying to get together since August. Pathetic. I'm inspired by your girls night out and determined to make ours happen!

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  9. I bet you all had a ball.

    Glad you were able to unwind and find mutual ground...There is WAY more of that than differences, don't you think?

    Miss having lunch with you guys...Looking forward to interesting chatter tomorrow!

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  10. Wonderful post! I wish I could meet moms like us at the playground too. :( However-I'm so happy that you feel normal and know that if the kids are alive you aren't a bad mother. LOL

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  11. Great Post and you are so right, we are made up of little pieces of all them!

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  12. It sounds like a wonderful evening. And I certainly have never met anyone I want to hang out with at the playground :( REAL girlfriends are the best though, aren't they?

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  13. Oh, sounds like such a nice night! And as i wrote about the other day, we all need friends in our physical "village". Friends we can be with face to face not just through the computer screen (as much as I love you!). I wish I had more friends around just as you describe.

    xoxo a mishmash of Charlotte and Carrie

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  14. Good for you! I, too, have girlfriends that see each other far less than we want to because of men, babies and careers yet it's comforting knowing that the time WILL come when we're raising glasses.

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  15. As I have said before, you always manage to write about just what I have been thinking, worrying, contemplating about in my own life.
    I am so glad you had a fabulous time the other night. We moms need that every once in awhile....I can't wait for my night to come around.
    Enjoy, Dana

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