Last year, I made a non-resolution to live lighter:
"I want the load of my anxieties, my stresses, my pessimism, my perfectionism, my temper, my essence to be lighter."
I thought, then, as I planned on trying to be less of who I was for the coming year, that I needed to change who I was, at least a little bit...be That Girl I wish I could be. But tonight, I was reminded, (by overhearing a rather innocuous dinner conversation between Hubby and my 5-year-old and watching a chic flick, mind you) of what I actually used to be like: a much sillier, goofier, less uptight version of who I have become...the Me who still paid bills on time, obsessed over details, worried about medical tests of any sort, but still had the lightness in her to do Kermit the Frog impersonations on a regular basis, laugh out loud all the time, and take herself--and the world--a tad less serious.
Where do I find that in-between? The balance between That Girl and This One...the one who became Mama and almost 40 and co-owner of a suburban home on a corner lot? Is there a balance? Can I be both? Or does one get lost within the other?
I am just wondering if we have parallel lives?! I too think this - how did I become such a work horse? I am always trying to get stuff done and so rarely commit to be being a fun Mummy. It's not good - yet somehow I seem incapable of altering it. Even when I know that the kids will look back on their childhood and remember me that way...ugh...so your post has got me thinking now... Lou xx
ReplyDeleteI definitely think it's possible to become a mother and retain our sense of freedom and fun, our sense of self. I actually write about this all the time on my blog. We just have to remember that while we love our children, the sun does not rise and set to their sweet little faces. Of course we love them, but if we give them all of us....it only backfires. Resentment, marital problems, anxiety, depression. On the other hand, if we show our children the real us....all of our faces.... I believe it helps them to become comfortable with themselves as adults and parents in the future as well.
ReplyDeleteTry for one day to be That Girl. Let go of a couple of things and see that the world, in fact, will no collapse and everyone will probably be better for it.
Balance is never easy (it's one of my biggest hurdles too) but effort always pays off.
It's so easy to get caught up in the grown up world of "shoulds" "have to" need to"
ReplyDeleteFinding that balance is really hard - but I think that being aware is a great first step.
No advice...I am feeling particularly anxiety-ridden these days, as my migraines are letting me know I am not doing such a great job at keeping it together. Just understanding here. And hoping that we both can regain a little silliness....
ReplyDeleteI definitely think I need a Kermit the From impersonation. Can you teach me?? Maybe that will help us both figure it out. =>
ReplyDeleteI'm also wanting to rediscover some of that old me - hard to find her at the moment since she's buried under a mass of plastic toys and washing but I'm hoping I can discover some traces soon
ReplyDeleteI think that rediscovering the old you is a wonderful idea. I really want you to do this--soon. Because after a while, that old you doesn't even own a familiar corner in your mind.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been able to find balance, but I think it exists. The key is letting go of the shoulds and doing what feels good -- even when it doesn't fit into other people's expectations.
ReplyDeleteAhhh it's so easy to look back and ask "where did I go?" I have realized that I use the word "should" a little too often rather than "could". Not just as it pertains to me either! Whoever said midlife crisis were reserved for men was a bit ignorant if you ask me. The older I get, the more I question where I am going and where I have been. It's all a bit crazy. This is the first year I had no resolutions. You and I are thinking alike...except for me I feel like I will be more at peace if I can let go of all the multi-tasking and to-do's and just relish the moment. EVERY moment.
ReplyDeleteHope your 2011 brings you lots of Kermit the Frog!
Best,
Tina
Ive just found your blog and this post really speaks to me! I completely relate. But I think the answer is yes, we can be both, just in a different way. Does that sound wise or just even more confusing?! ;) Im going to go for it anyway--I want to be both!!
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids yet, but am close. I don't have an answer from you, but I think about this every day and it scares the hell out of me.
ReplyDeleteMarcie
I wonder about that all the time!!!! I think it has been the hardest thing for me... to grow up?! So do WE change or does life change us? Is it responsibility or experience that makes us 'change'? If and/or when you find out please let me know. I am hungry for the balance of a better me or the better me.... xooxxo Kat
ReplyDeleteYou can do anything until you have passion for it! this is my first visit and have bookmarked.
ReplyDeleteFriendship Questionnaire for kids
First things first: I only WISH I could put my big butt in some stilettos! LOL! OH my aching feet just at the thought...
ReplyDeleteSecond, I know I'm a newbie, but this post resonates with me. I have been there~but it changed for the better! And all it took was the realization that we become what we practice and a deliberate change of attitude. I had to force it at first, but one day with out my realization it clicked over into natural. YOU CAN DO IT!