Monday, January 4, 2010

Let her eat cake!

Over the holidays, I had an affair.

A wild, messy, to-hell-with-the-rules kind of affair...with a cake.

This was not just any cake. I would never be so wanton. It was red velvet cake. My friend's homemade red velvet cake. It was left over from our Christmas Eve party.

I asked her to bring it.

I knew all along what I was doing.

I admit it: it was premeditated.

I knew after the guests had gone, the cake would be wrapped up nicely in foil and would sit in my refrigerator. And I would eat it. And not give a damn about the calories or the fat or the cholesterol or the Weight Watcher points each slice was worth.

"Guess what, Ben? We're gonna have cake for Christmas morning breakfast! How does that sound?!?"

Yep. I used my child as an excuse to eat cake for breakfast.

That wouldn't have been so bad if it had only been the one time. I mean, it was Christmas morning, for heaven's sake! If you can't have cake on Christmas morning...

But I proceeded to have cake again for the following two mornings. Cake. For breakfast. Me. My usual breakfast consists of bran flakes with almonds, flax, oatmeal, blueberries, and soy milk. And yes, I actually do enjoy that, but on velvet cake mornings? Fuck bran.

It wasn't just breakfast, either. I had it as dessert...after every meal, everyday, and sometimes for a snack. I had it down to a science: 5 days later, when the cream cheese frosting was hardening slightly, I simply nuked it. 7 seconds was too little. 10 seconds was too much. 8 seconds. Exactly 8 seconds. And the cake would taste like she had just made it.

It has taken me a lifetime to figure out my relationship with food. Over the last several years, I've realized, with great relief and satisfaction, that I've finally made amends with it. I have conquered it, if you will. A big part of this victory, however, is the complete and total understanding that I can gain it all back at anytime. What do they say? It's a slippery slope? Yeah, well, apparently, my slope's greased up with frosting.

I made it to my dream weight back in October. Soon after that, Life happened: Halloween festivities, sick children, sick parents, holidays, more sick children and sick parents...before I knew it, my gym visits had gone from 5 times a week to maybe once. This is the thing with weight. Life. It can get in the way. Needless to say, I am not quite at my dream weight right now.

So here I am, a couple of weeks later, still trying to forget my red velvet lover. It was a passionate, intense relationship and there are days when I miss the wild, reckless abandon. It was good while it lasted, but what is it Samantha says to Smith at the end of the "Sex and the City" movie? "I love you, but I love me more."

Yep. Me and red velvet cake. Samantha Jones and her hot young lover. Same thing.


  1. Girl, if your pictures from your recent getaway are any indication, you can certainly afford a brief, torrid affair with a cake. (And what *is* red velvet cake anyway? What makes it red? What makes it velvety?)

    I believe that we end up craving even more that which we deny ourselves. And, you know, life might get in the way of our goals, but then again, maybe it's our goals that get in the way of life?

  2. I am saddened to say that I have never had red velvet cake... I think I may have to hunt some down!

  3. Liz - you are too funny! We all have our weaknesses...and are allowed to indulge once in a while.

  4. i agree with Kristen! You MUST indulge every once in a while or at some time, you will completely break! You will get back to the gym. You will start counting points again. But that cake... that was your chance and you grabbed it. You'd be regretting it today if you didn't, I'm sure! I've also never had red velvet cake but I don't know a sole who has had it that doesn't get flushed and tingly when talking about it. I may have to sneak into a closet at some point and have myself some of that.

  5. Oohh- party food/ holiday food. It's near impossible for me to resist. I have to go to hoity-toity events for work sometimes, and it always kills me to have to daintily graze on all those yummy foods, rather than shovel it in, plate after plate, like I want to. that should be my diet- eat like someone you work with is watching you.
    Nothing like a New Year to motivate you- good luck to you and to me!

  6. Oh, this is clever. I had several lovers over during the holidays, and they have left me miserable! It tasted so good while the snacks lasted though.

  7. For me it's coconut cake. And for the record it gets better the longer it sits. So on day 5 it's even better than day one.
    Super post. SITSta :o) Have a great day.

  8. I love, love, love Red Velvet cake. I also love to bake red velvet cake from my mom's recipe. And, it is okay to have your cake and eat it!!!!

  9. Left over cake? What is that?! It looks gorgeous.

  10. Liz. I will happily FED-EX you the cake of your choosing any time. You are the best. Truly. And, honestly, I'm kind of missing cake, now that GG is married and I don't have practice cupcakes in the house 24/7.

  11. Cake for breakfast sounds completely reasonable to me! And I am in total agreement: Fuck Bran.

  12. 6 seconds, 9 seconds, 8 seconds. You are too cute. The art of leftover cake perfection. How perfect! Cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner until it's gone? Um, sure. Bring it on over and I'll eat it with you!

  13. If I had a piece of red velvet cake, I assure you I would do it too.

    I've never tasted it in my life!

    Of course, it's quite by accident that I ended up here today but I love your blog!


Comments rock...