Tuesday, January 19, 2010

If I didn't officially call it a resolution, can I give up on it already?

My promise to myself for 2010 was to live lighter. This meant stress less, worry less, laugh more... I envisioned myself shrugging things off.

Here's the problem I'm already encountering, and it has not even been a full month yet: I am not a light person.

I'm not.

I'm more on the deep and heavy side.


About everything.

It's who I am.

This means that I worry, I stress, I anticipate catastrophe. I overanalyze. I overreact. I panic.

This also means that I am loud. I am passionate. I am energetic. I like to live big, dream big, laugh big.

Hubby once told me, many many years ago: "Your highs are real high. But your lows are real low."

That's me. You can call me a lot of things, but moderate I am not.

Here's the conundrum: I like the high highs. I like the big, the over-the-top, the enthusiasm, the flair for the dramatic. I like the loud.

And with just as much passion, I hate the stress. The anxiety. The make-myself-crazy-side of my personality. About everything. About nothing.

I am not sure if there is an answer here, or even a point. I just know that I am totally and utterly exhausted from reminding myself, over and over again, to live lightly. It's really starting to weigh me down.


  1. I can sympathize with you, I very often feel those same feelings you've described. The only advice I can offer is to just be who you are when you are. If you're high, be high and do it with all you've got. If you're low, be low and do that with all you've got. However, what I've learned is to not be either for too long....balance.

  2. I am the same way. I try to keep some perspective and find the positivity in each situation. That seems to help the lows seem not that bad.

  3. That reminds me of the guys I dated when I was young who used to tell me not to "think" too much! Yeah, right. Being a little neurotic is my job. If I wasn't like this no one would take care of things.

  4. This is exactly why I didn't even call it a resolution this year. Hmm. Maybe instead of focusing on ALL of the aspects of living lightly you could do one a month or something? So this month focus on laughing, and do more of it? The next month focus on stress, and allow less of it in? Just a thought.

    Visiting from SITS. Good luck with your resolution!

  5. The highs and the lows are all integral parts of life. We need to embrace and live both. It is hard to change who you are so embrace it!!

  6. Hi, Stopping by from SITS. I just try to keep a positive attitude...I know it is hard but that is all we can do. Have a great time at Disney.....

  7. Hi Liz!

    I have no idea what you are talking about--whatcha mean, this "live lighter" stuff? People do that?

    The Anvil (aka: TKW)

  8. Lighter? What is this? I've tried that. Every single time, something comes crashing through the door that tosses all the living lighter stuff out the window. So I gave it up. I've resolved to no longer make resolutions, and to just try to live.

    Stopping by from SITS! Have a great Wednesday!

  9. Stopping by from SITS! Have a great trip! Enjoy the light side when it happens.

  10. I kind of envy your ability to live it large as I don't do that enough. I hope you find your balance over this year. :)

  11. Wow, sounds like you've given this a lot of thought! I used to live like that, too, but realized that once I spent more time outside of my comfort zone I stressed less. Seems contrary to what is "normal" but when I started taking classes and picking up new hobbies, I think I was just drained and couldn't spend time on the things that brought me down. Random, but true!

  12. I'm right there with you. Living lighter is a constant goal that is constantly out of reach. I think you're on to something, though: the more we beat ourselves up about missing our emotional targets, the further away they seem to be.

    Have a great trip! (Just out of curiosity, does your problem with lightness make you an over-packer too???)

  13. I'm the same way. Oh and those "goals" I made? I'm not doing so hot with mine either.

    Stopping in from SITS.

  14. I empathize, if only we could stop worrying so mucn about every stupid thing! Might even have less grey hair too ;)

  15. Any type of change is a process. Changing something that has been a part of you for so long will take time, awareness, patience, and acceptance...key word here is time. I've been in your shoes before, and every so often, I wear those shoes again. I can't help it, its who I am. But I've learned over the years that things AREN'T as bad as they seem to be in the moment. Things that have helped me? Learning how to take a step back and see things for what they really are (Michael can testify that this doesn't always happen..LOL). Reminding myself that "it COULD be worse". And last but not least, breathing. Breathing really helps. Breathing is good!! When all else fails, just STOP and think..."What would Johnny Depp do in a situation like this?" :P <3

  16. I can relate to this so much - and I wonder whether admitting okay, fine, I'm just not light is giving up or acceptance? i don't know the answer. I do think there are some fundamental parts of us that we cannot change, and that we'd do better finding ways to accomodate them in the lives we want, but I also feel like my throwing up my hands and saying: OK, I'm just a heavy person is sort of copping out.
    So, obviously I have no answers - but thank you for the reflection!

  17. what the heck is "lighter" LOL!! hey it just means you experience and feel things deeply--what's so wrong with that?

  18. I'd say you should give up and "be" - which might be lighter, in effect. Some of us are wired for those high highs, and if that means intensity and low lows along with them, so be it. It's a passionate life. Why fight it?

  19. I agree with BLW. I'm not sure I'd call it giving up but you are wired the way you are. You are going to exhaust yourself by fighting it and it will bring you lower! Embrace your "heaviness". Appreciate the good that comes with it (because there's a ton of it!), revel in your extremes. There are probably steps you can take to let things roll off you easier (drugs?) but really Liz, just live. Just be. It's ok if you stress and get worked up... those who love you will always love you and you'll love yourself more if you just accept it. And did I mention drugs? Have a wonderful trip!!!

  20. Hmm. I read this. Days ago I read this, but apparently I did not comment. Phew! Good thing you're in Disney living it up with the fam-dam. I can sneak a comment in before you get back!

    Moderate I am not either. High highs? Low lows? Yup, right there with you. This post makes me feel even more connected to you. Really. But the resolution is a reflection of your recognition of such. And this post is confirmation that you have continued to think of that resolution which is, by all accounts, some sort of progress, no? I'm not sure our high highs and low lows are something that need to be entirely changed. Are we just hard-wired this way? Do we just need to accept it? I don't know. Probably. At least recognizing that moderation IS needed from time to time can bring us back to center every so often.

    Hope you had a blast at Disney!


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