Friday, March 5, 2010

It's getting better

I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And by "tunnel" I mean the infancy stages of parenting.
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I know, I know. A lot of you just looooooove the newborn stage. I know, I know. A lot of you would trade the suddenly-stinky-armpit-8-year-old-stage for the yummy-baby-powder-smelling-6-month-old-stage any day. I know, I know. Those of you with nearly-grown children miss the days when they couldn't talk back and wore diapers instead of jeans that threaten to fall to their knees.
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All of parenting is hard.
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I know.
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But for us, the baby stage...well, as yummy as they smell, as cute as they are, as sweet as it all can be...it's just not for us. After two kids, we've figured this out. Give me the terrible twos, give me potty training, give me (even!) punching on the playground. I'll take it all over the absolutely endless and exhausting and repetitive days of diapers, bottles, 4:30 a.m. wake up calls, and nearly round the clock Small-Object-In-Mouth-Watch.
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Last night, we played Hide-and-Go-Seek. All of us. The four of us! We ran around the house in teams of 2, and we played! 18-month-old Aidan was my partner for most of it, and I revelled in his attempts at staying quiet as we hid behind the living room curtain. My whole body shook as I struggled to keep my own giggles in as he held his chubby little finger to his lips, copying my "Shhhh's!" And when it was our turn to seek, and he pressed his fat little face to the wall and grunted loud, repetitive sounds which were his attempts at counting, I can admit that I melted more than a little bit. And the look on 4-year-old Ben's face? Delight. Absolute, delicious delight.

A couple of weeks ago, we went to the beach. And we didn't have to carry Aidan around the entire time. We didn't have to keep him from eating sand. We didn't have to take turns "watching the baby" as the other parent got to play with the older brother. We actually all interacted, at the same time. We built sand castles together. We tossed the football around. We chased each other. We laughed. We played! The four of us!
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And lately, a peculiar thing has been happening at dinner time: the high chair has been pushed to a corner, the flying green baby food has been replaced with real people food, and all of us are actually able to consume our food at about the same time. About 50% of the time, the baby does not fall out of the "big boy chair," the brothers do not fight, and the adults can even sip a glass (or two) of wine. I think I even remember a night recently when Hubby and I actually talked (to each other!!) at dinner.
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It seems that something has shifted. It is very subtle, but we feel it.
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There are no more babies for us.
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We have a boy and a toddler. Two boys. Two boys who are finally playing together, laughing together, and even starting to conspire together. And we feel more like a family now than ever before. Hubby and I can breathe just a little bit more. We can sit a little bit more. We can sleep a little bit more. And we can play...play with both of our boys, all of us, together, as a family.

12 comments:

  1. You do have a point. Small Object in Mouth Watch is seriously no fun. Congrats on progressing to the next level!

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  2. I believe that each Mother shines the most during one or two stages of Motherhood. Me, the babystage...not so much. I know in my bones that "my shining time" will actually be the parent of an "adult child". Does that mean that every day of my life is hard with a 6 year old? No, not EVERY day...but I do look forward to sitting across the table from my son with coffee and just talking to each other...actual adult conversations.

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  3. I've been reading your blog for the past few weeks and just wanted to let you know I've never read blogs before and I look forward to yours every week! My husband and I are TTC and I love how blunt and realistic you are in your blogs regarding married life and children. I love that you are Cuban-not b/c it makes you a better writer (although some would argue it does, ha ha) but b/c I haven't found many Latina bloggers since reading yours and I just feel like I can relate more to you (makes sense?) I'm Puerto Rican and the stereotypes of being a wife or mother are more then I can handle sometimes so (I'm repeating myself here) your blogs are a breath of fresh air. So m'ija keep writing porque me Encanta.

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  4. I am with you on not being a lover of the baby stage! Bring on the conversation! Bring on the communication! Bring on all of us walking and no one being carried. It's so wonderful to feel like a FAMILY and not divided up by who is on baby watch. Luke is still terrible at sitting at the table when we go out so I'm waiting for us to get there but for now, I'll settle for the games of hide and seek, throwing a ball around and sleeping through the night! And I love your description of the boys conspiring together... my guest post at Kitch's place talks about siblings and you describe what I hope for perfectly!

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  5. hmmph. i read this and think: yeah, i should have stopped at two. cause i just don't think--can't imagine--doesn't seem possible--that i will ever sound that calm as i describe "life" in my family.

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  6. Liz, funny post and beautifully written. Exactly how I felt the day I took my daughter to the mall in her stroller and she literally ripped the little canopy to shreds, till it was teetering. That was the end of our last baby contraption.

    I love having kids I can talk to. I love raising them on my philosophies of life and love and seeing them become really interesting multi-faceted people. I also love having political and historical discussions with my 14-year-old son! (That's a little into the future for you, but still.)

    That's my forte in parenting. Thanks for putting it into words.

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  7. I know what you mean. If I had started my children earlier, I probably would have had more....and now two, one boy and one girl, suits me perfectly :)

    I am now at the stage where we can go out and not take a buggy - that to me is a big deal!! Also, it's not a crisis of nightmare proportions if I don't have a packet of baby wipes in my bag! These last few weeks I have been for coffee with my son and also to a birthday lunch where he just sat with the other children and played - and I had lovely time and relaxed which was a first!!! Things have definitely become easier for me :)

    PS I know what you mean about eating a meal and being able to talk "to each other"....so true :)

    Happy Week-end!

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  8. Ahh, Liz, thank you for this promising version of the future! :)

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  9. I so know what you mean - the reluctance to wave goodbye to the baby (and mine is only 4 and a bit months and seems to have moved on)

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  10. I so completely understand this. It is subtle, the change, and it is so profound at the same time. I've been trying to craft my own post about this... We remain on the same page. As usual.

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  11. Oh, I love this post. Our youngest is almost 15 months old. I feel so terribly torn at times- sad when I see the last of his babyhood fading, but relieved that in just a few months we'll be at a place like the one you're describing. sounds wonderful!

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  12. My youngest is a hair shy of six and yes, I miss the baby stages. Love them like crazy now, but I could do it again.

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