Saturday, March 6, 2010

365 days + 109 posts = One Revised Me

One year... I started this blog one year ago! I don't think I ever really believed I'd keep it up, and I certainly never thought it'd become such a big part of my life.
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When I started this blog, I really just wanted to find my voice again. I was always a writer. I used to sit at my older sister's typewriter (the kind you had to manually return when you heard the little bell and wait until the glob of white-out dried when you made a mistake) and write stories...a million stories started but never finished when I was just 10 or 12 years old. I still have them.
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I used to walk around with wrinkled napkins in my purse, covered in notes...notes for nothing specific, really...just words, phrases, sentences, ideas. I was always inspired.
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Words have always been a tangible thing inside of me.
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But then I had kids.
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And although having these two little miracles running around can certainly serve as inspirational fodder, most of the time I was too exhausted and overwhelmed to be inspired. Find the right words to express a thought? Write a poem about a passionate kiss? Fulfill my dream of writing for a living? Who cares?!? I just wanted to sleep!
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Suddenly, years had gone by, and I realized that I had stopped. Stopped thinking about words, stopped dreaming about being published, stopped writing, stopped even feeling like a writer.
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And I have to admit, I was relieved.
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I was relieved that I no longer had this fire inside of me...this burning need to get my thoughts out there, to be heard, to be read, to express myself. It was simpler this way...I didn't feel like I had given up on a dream. I didn't need to carve time out of an already busy day to write in my journal or look up a magazine's submission guidelines. I didn't even miss it.
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And then, the kids started sleeping through the night (most nights, anyway), and I started getting restless again. Restless for the magic of the perfect word, the perfect phrase...restless for that voice of mine (it's pretty damn loud on a daily basis, so you can only imagine what it's like when attempting to silence it inside my own head).
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And just like that, the need was back. I almost cringed. "Oh no. There it is again. That dream. That need to write."
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Damn.
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How was I going to write again, though? Where was I going to even begin? I hadn't scribbled a sentence on a napkin in years, much less sat down to write out a complete idea, musing, poem, story. And how could I go back to writing about love and emotions and angst and all that wispy stuff when I was faced everyday with the constant struggle to figure out how I was going to continue to be Me while being Mama?
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So it hit me. I know. It should've been obvious, but when you're caught up right there in the middle of it, you don't always see it.
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I would write about just that: the boys, parenting, motherhood, the bad days, the good days, my struggle to continue existing within it all.
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I thought a blog would be a great place to start...there were no rules, no guidelines, no editors. Just me. My voice. My thoughts. I didn't even think anyone other than my husband would read most of it. I just needed to get back on it again: thinking about words, about writing, about feeling like that little girl sitting at her big sister's typewriter again.
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So now here I am, a year later. Through this blog, I have made connections, friends, and realizations. I have remembered who I was for most of my life, and felt again the feeling I would get when i finished a piece...whether it was a chapter, a poem, or a journal entry. When I finish a post, I feel like I've made something. There is something out there, in the world, that I wrote, that I created, that is solely and thoroughly Me.
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So I want to thank you...those of you who have come along with me on this journey thus far.
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Thank you, Hubby/Chris, for reading every post, every word, every comment. Thank you for loading the dishwasher (even when it was my turn) on the days I just needed to get something written. Thank you for caring enough to learn who these people are out there in my blogging world who have become like friends. Thank you for checking my blog (I've caught you doing it sometimes more than once a day) just to see if I have a new follower or a new comment. Thank you for being proud of my "talent," as you call it, and for never caring what I put out there, for the world to see. And that drunken post we did together? Yeah, thanks for that, too.
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Thank you to the personal friends who come here to read my words, who then make it a point to tell me something about it in person, who have supported this from day one. You know who you are. You have no idea how much it means to me.
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Thank you to my blogging buddies (Blog Roll Ladies? This means you!)...the ones who inspire me with their honesty, their images, and occasionally, their appropriately used curse words. Thanks for the comments, the emails, and even the wake-up-call text messages. I truly wish we could all meet on the playground, find a sitter, and go out for drinks.

23 comments:

  1. Woo hoo, congratulations and well done on ONE WHOLE YEAR!!! Fantastic!

    I loved reading this particular post, just to read something about what motivated you to write your blog....I wish I had been reading you since the beginning. You are a true writer Liz, you have a gift for sure. I hope you know by now that I am a big fan!! I admire your honesty and find your writing very inspiring as a mother and as a woman.....you have made me laugh and brought a tear to my eye.

    I went back and read the alcohol-assisted post that you and Chris had written....you two are brilliant!!! What you have is definitely something special.

    Happy Week-end and here's to many more years!! :)

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  2. Congratulations Liz on this milestone! I understand that need to have a voice that discusses the importance of what we are doing on a daily basis, and the toll it defintitely takes on us, both good and bad.

    Thanks for YOUR encouraging words and always making me feel like, "Gee, thank goodness someone else understands this particular ugly part of motherhood!"

    Hope your weekend is sunny and bright!

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  3. A whole year! What an accomplishment! Yours was one of the first blogs I found and followed. You've been an inspiration! So I'm raising my coffee mug to you and am wishing you many more years writing!

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  4. Happy blog birthday! I'm so happy to have found you this year! I love your honesty and wit. xoxo

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  5. Happy bloogie birthday! One year, I know how funny it is that time goes so quickly. I have been serious about my blog only since Oct/Nov. but love it! There are many things I really like about it, one is certainly the people you meet, that is perhaps the largest one, the other is being able to get some of these thoughts out of my head and down on my blog. Third, I believe is being able to see what I was thinking or doing at a certain date and time in my life. And last but not least is the business my little blog has brought into my life and my NEW business. For all of these things I am grateful. Just followed your blog and will keep checking back in to read "you're mind". :)

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  6. Happy blog birthday! The interwebz are lucky to have you.

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  7. Happy anniversary, lady! This is a wonderful post - so thoughtful and so well-written. It is a privilege to read your words today and everyday.

    And you know that whole meeting up and going out for drinks plan? How about this August at BlogHer? xoxo

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  8. Happy anniversary!
    I'm so glad to have met fellow souls out there like you, whose words make me feel less alone and make me both laugh and cry.
    Thank you.

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  9. Happy Anniversary. You truly inspire me everytime I read your blog. Congratulations on your 1 year....I hope to be around a year from now and still laughing, crying and enjoying your writings.
    And as for that drink, just let me know where and when :)

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  10. Liz, it's a good thing to remember you're a writer and it's a wonderful thing that you have such great support at home. Happy blogging anniversary!

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  11. Happy Blog Birthday! I am glad I found you this year!!

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  12. Happy Blog Birthday - you have a great voice and I'm so glad you read and I have found you this last year !

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  13. Happy Blog Birthday! You and your blog hold a very special place in my heart because I believe without you both, my place in this bloggy world would have gone by the wayside. I love every one of your posts and you!

    xo

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  14. Liz, I just love this. Because it is well-crafted and open and meandering and stuffed with self-discovery. I too started blogging almost a year ago and I too marvel at how pledging allegiance to the blogosphere - and with it, to ME - has changed me, has revised me. In good and impossible and intangible ways. I am thrilled to have encountered you and your words and your dream through this odd ether.

    Congrats on one year. Cheers to many, many more!

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  15. Visiting from Aidan's blog :)

    I hope you're enjoying the renewed need to write. I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't writing - but then, I don't have children.

    My husband reads my blog... I always find it slightly strange, because he already knows about the things I write about, he was usually there (we're usually together!). But on the other hand it's really sweet of him, and I do appreciate his interest.

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  16. Happy blog bday to you, Liz! Love your blog and am so glad we crossed paths. I am all for the playground/sitter/drinks scenario!

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  17. Hi - I've just found your blog and I like it lots! I've been writing mine since September and it had become a really big part of my life too. I can't imagine how I managed without it. Anyhow, Happy blogday to you - I'm pleased to meet you!

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  18. Congratulations, blog sister! I'm so glad to have found you. Isn't it funny we were "born" within days of one another? (Just like our youngest children, too!) Happy Blogday!

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  19. Congrats on your Blogiversary....that is amazing...

    here's to another year.....

    Happy SITS day!

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  20. yay for my published writer friend who has a blog that i love to read (even though i don't have a child and can't relate to most of the stuff).
    you're great Liz. i don't think i can ever support you as much as you support me. so in case i haven't said it enough, you are an amazing writer! i know this will just keep getting bigger and bigger.

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  21. Congrats Liz! Here's to another entertaining and inspiring year.

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  22. Happy Blog Anniversary! I hope you next blog-year is even better than your first!

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  23. It's great you have a hubby who is so supportive. Maybe mine should read your blog!

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