Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Discomfort: Just Write Tuesdays

The cushions on my side of the sofa have been lovingly beat up, smushed and flattened from years of little boys jumping and playing and watching too much TV on them. I feel myself leaning over, towards the right, where my husband is sitting, on the firmer, less-used side of the sofa. Tilting over.

The laptop is open in front of us on the chocolate brown Ikea coffee table. It is late, nearly midnight, and I am keenly aware of my chances of going to the gym at 5:00 a.m. slipping away: not enough sleep, a migraine starting, more excuses, albeit legitimate.

A map is open on the screen, dotted with little blue numbers. He clicks on several, and each one opens to reveal another house for sale. One is adorable: cute and full of character, and with plenty of space for a pool, but its asking price is pushing up against our budget ceiling. Another, cheaper and bigger, but with its red formica kitchen counters and brown laminate cabinets, it reminds me of a 70's porn film set.

He sees the possibilities with each click.
I see the possibilities for regret.

We both want this, I remind myself. This was our choice, our decision. We are not, after all, "house people." We are doers. We want to go and see and do. Less house equals more money. More money equals more trips, more adventures. This all, in turn, adds to a better life, at least for us.

Who downsizes?!?

People have asked me. I have asked myself. It makes me chuckle. Why am I surprised that people are surprised? We usually surprise people. They don't get us, sometimes. Sometimes, I wonder if we make people uncomfortable. I wonder if it just never occurred to them to do this, or try that, or consider this.

Why not?
Why not go after what you want?
That trip, that RV, that summer road trip, that new hobby...Why not?

My own discomfort makes me uncomfortable. I hate the anxiety, the fear, the paralysis, all brought on by risk, by change, by the What If We Tried This?

*This was another attempt at Just Write Tuesdays. Last week, I shared my homework assignment from Heather's course on free writing. Considering the fact that right now I can barely think about anything other than the For Sale sign on my front lawn, I knew I had to try the technique on this memory.


  1. We live in a really small house - for years we looked and got very close to upsizing, to the house we "always imagined" - but we didn't. And now I am so, so glad - it's really freeing. Financially, yes. But it also keeps us close as a family, I really believe that, and it keeps the clutter and STUFF to a dull roar. That said, I hate hate HATE discomfort, so I'm sending lots of love. xox

  2. We downsized - albeit, sooner than we expected. And yes, selling a house is extremely angst-ridden. Good luck!

  3. Ah, sold our house 9 months ago. Been through too many moves, too much packing. This last one, I hope is for keeps. And I think downsizing is becoming more of a trend. Good luck with the hunting!

  4. I read your comment on Aidan's blog and I came over. They say behind every change is
    our moment of greatest opportunity. I hope that your feeling of anxiety is replaced with peace. :)


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